Tammy Pescatelli - Out of the Park

  • Season 10 , Ep 10
  • 03/23/2006
  • Views: 11,628

Tammy's uncles are too short to ride in Disneyland. (2:02)

I'M HERE, YOU KNOW, A COMEDY CENTRAL SPECIAL,

A HALF-HOUR. IT'S SOLD OUT.

AND IT'S LIKE A DREAM FOR A GIRL FROM THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

AND A GOOD DREAM, NOT LIKE ONE OF THOSE ONES

WHERE LIKE YOU'RE NAKED AT WAL-MART LOOKING FOR YOUR FOURTH-GRADE ART PROJECT

AND YOU'RE SCARED THAT SOMEONE'S GONNA WALK IN.

I HAVE CRAZY DREAMS.

AND MY FAMILY, LIKE, HAS ALWAYS SUPPORTED THEM.

BUT THEY'RE-- MY FAMILY IS AMAZING.

BUT THEY CAN RUIN THE MOST RIDICULOUS THINGS.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU EVER-- THEY CAME TO VISIT ME IN L.A.,

17 OF MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY MEMBERS CAME TO SEE ME.

WE WENT TO DISNEYLAND. AND WE GOT KICKED OUT.

OKAY?

OF THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH

IF THAT'S ANY INDICATIONOF MY FA-- AND I LOVE THEM ALL.

I HAVE THESE TWO TWIN UNCLES THAT ARE EVERY STEREOTYPE

YOU'VE EVER SEEN OF ITALIAN PEOPLE, RIGHT. LIKE TWO JOE PESCI'S.

THEY'RE THE GOLD CHAINSAND THE JOGGING SUITS.

AND THEY'RE NOT TALL ENOUGH TO RIDE THE RIDES. AND--

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THEY SMUGGLE THEIR OWN HOMEMADE WINE INTO THE PARK.

AND THEY'RE DRUNK WALKING AROUND SMALL WORLD,

TELLING PEOPLE HOW UGLY THEIR BABIES ARE.

"HEY LADY, WANNA BANANAFOR THAT MONKEY?

LOOK AT THE FACEON THIS KID."

I MEAN, WE GOTKICKED OUT OF THE PARK.

AND YOU WOULD THINK THAT THAT WOULD BE ENOUGH, RIGHT?

BUT REALLY, THAT WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE.

BECAUSE MY UNCLE SAID THEFUNNIEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD.

I'VE BEEN A COMIC 11 YEARS.

I'VE HEARD NOTHING AS FUNNY AS THIS. THAT DAY,

THE SECURITY OFFICER'S PUSHING HIM AND PUSHING HIM.

AND MY UNCLE KINDA SQUARES UP, LOOKS AT HIM RIGHT IN THE EYE

AND GOES, "HEY. IF YOU DON'T GET OFF OF ME,

I'M GONNA PUNCH YOU IN THE [BLEEP]."

[LAUGHTER]

"PUNCH YOU IN THE [BLEEP],"WHO SAYS THAT?

AND THAT'S A FIGHT THAT YOU'RE GONNA WIN, OKAY?

'CAUSE I DON'T CARE HOW SCRAPPY YOU ARE,

YOU CAN'T BLOCK A [BLEEP] PUNCH, ARIGHT?

YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT'S COMING FROM.

UFC, THEY'RE TAPPING OUT RIGHT AFTER THIS.

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