I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THATA LOT LATELY.
PEOPLE ARE LIKE, "DONATE ORGANSONCE YOU'RE DEAD.
PEOPLE NEED THEM."
I'M DEAD.
THEY DIDN'T WORK,ALL RIGHT?
(laughter)
I'M NOT GONNA GIVE ANYONEMY BROKEN-DOWN ORGAN.
IT'S LIKE,HERE, TRY THIS (bleep)
IT DIDN'T SEEMTO WORK WITH ME.
THE CLIMATE WAS CLEARLY OFFMAYBE YOU GOT A BETTER SHELF.
(laughter)
I'M ALSO TALL.
SO I FEEL MY ORGANS ARE GONNA BEBAGGY ON WHOEVER I GIVE 'EM TO.
IT'S LIKE, DUDE,HERE'S MY KIDNEY AND A BELT.
(laughter)
SECURE IT.KEEP IT TIGHT.
YOU DON'T WANT ANY AIRGETTING IN THERE.
AND WHAT IF YOU GETTO THE AFTERLIFE
AND YOU FIND OUT YOU NEEDAN ORGAN YOU DONATED?
YOU'LL FEEL LIKEA REAL (bleep)HOLE.
IT'S LIKE,"LOOK, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
CAN'T, GAVE MY EYESTO SOME LADY IN HOBOKEN.
"AT LEAST DRINK THE NECTAR."
THERE'S NECTAR?"YEAH, DRINK IT."
CAN'T. KIDNEY.GAVE IT TO SOME GUY IN PHOENIX.
"AT LEAST PULL YOUR PANTS UP.YOU'RE IN HEAVEN."
CAN'T, BELT WENTWITH THE (bleep) KIDNEY.
(laughter)
AND WHAT IF YOU GIVEYOUR ORGANS
TO AN (bleep)WHO KILLS SOMEBODY?
YOU KEPT HIM ALIVE.NOW YOU'RE AN ACCOMPLICE.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT?
YOU'RE UP IN HEAVEN,THEY'RE LIKE,
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"I HAD A GREAT LIFE."
"NO, YOUR DNA'S ALL OVERA CRIME SCENE IN PHOENIX."
(laughter)
KIDNEY. KIDNEY.
WHAT'D HE DO?
"KILLED SOMEONE WITH A BELT."
(laughter)
I ALSO--I'M NOT GONNA GIVEMY ORGANS TO ANYONE
UNLESS I MEET THEM FIRST.
I JUST--THAT'S HOW I LIVE.IT'S LIKE, YOU WANT MY EYES?
YEAH.WHAT DO YOU FOR A LIVING?
WHAT ARE YOU GONNABE LOOKING AT?"
"I WORK FOR PLAYBOY."OH, (bleep) IT. TAKE 'EM NOW.
(laughter)
JUST TAKE ONE. YOU TAKE ONE.I'LL KEEP ONE.
WE'LL LOOK AT THE PROOF SHEETLIKE PIRATES.
(laughter)
LADIES, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCHYOU CAN GET FOR YOUR EGGS?
$15,000.
I DON'T KNOW WHY ANY OF YOUARE WORKING, ALL RIGHT?
IT'S LIKE A BAKER'S DOZENA YEAR.
YOU'D HAVE A NEW HOUSE,PORSCHE, TRAMPOLINE.
ALL THE (bleep) YOU LOVE.
(laughter)
YOUR FRIENDS WOULD BE LIKE,"WHOA, NEW JOB?"
NO, EGGS!
THEY'RE HARD TO GET TO,BUT ONCE YOU DO,
EACH ONE'S LIKE AN EASTER EGGFILLED WITH CASH.
BUT THEY BASE IT ON BEAUTY,INTELLIGENCE AND ATHLETICISM.
SO DON'T THINK YOU'RE ALL GONNAGO GET 15 GRAND.
PLAY CATCH,ANSWER SOME TRICK QUESTIONS,
TRY AND KICK A FIELD GOAL.
(laughter)
SOME OF YOU MIGHT HAVESCRAMBLED EGGS
OR HUEVOS RANCHEROS,ALL RIGHT?
WE'RE NOT SAYINGTHEY'RE ALL FABERGé
OR CADBURY, ALL RIGHT?
(laughter)
SOME OF YOU MIGHT HAVESOME RECALLED (bleep).
I DON'T KNOW THE RULES.
I JUST REPORTWHAT I READ IN... A BOOK.
(laughter)