Happy Burnday - Usain Bolt and Bill Clinton

  • Season 1 , Ep 2
  • 08/21/2012
  • Views: 35,420

Jeff Ross sends birthday greetings to an Olympic track star and vegan Bill Clinton. (1:30)

DON'T GO TOO FAR.

[APPLAUSE]

WELCOME TO "THE BURN."

HOW ARE YOU GUYS DOING?

[CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

YES!

"THE BURN."

THIS IS A SHOW KANYE CALLED THE

PERFECT BITCH.

[LAUGHTER]

AS USUAL, I'D LIKE TO START OUT

WITH BIRTHDAY SHOUT-OUTS.

THE FASTEST MAN ALIVE, USAIN

BOLT TURNS 26.173 YEARS OLD

TODAY.

[LAUGHTER]

[APPLAUSE]

HE'S A GREAT MAN.

SHOWS US WHAT ALL JAMAICANS

COULD DO IF THEY WEREN'T SO

LAZY.

[LAUGHTER]

LIKE MOST JAMAICANS, HE ONLY

WORKS 10 SECONDS A DAY.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU CAN CALL HIM THE FASTEST MAN

ON THE PLANET.

OBVIOUSLY YOU HAVEN'T HAD SEX

WITH ME.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, USAIN BOLT.

NOW WE CAN ALL GO BACK TO

TALKING ABOUT THE OLYMPICS FOR

ANOTHER FOUR YEARS.

MY NEXT BIRTHDAY SHOUT-OUT GOES

TO ONE OF THE MOST BELOVED

FIGURES, MR. HILLARY CLINTON.

[LAUGHTER]

BUBBA TURNS 66 THIS WEEK.

HE MADE A WISH, BLEW OUT THE

CANDLES.

WHEN HE OPENED HIS EYES, HILLARY

WAS STILL BREATHING.

[LAUGHTER]

HE'S AT AN AGE NOW WHEN HE HAS

TO GET UP THREE TO FOUR TIMES IN

THE MIDDLE OF THE FLIGHT JUST TO

JERK OFF IN THE SINK.

[LAUGHTER]

I LOVE BILL.

HE'S VEGAN NOW.

HE AVOIDS DAIRY AFTER NEVER

PASSING UP A COW.

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