- I never--I mean,
this is on stage only I have,like, arguments with gay people,
but in real life,I'm pretty passive about stuff,
but I did getin one minor disagreement
with a lesbian once,
She wasmaking out with her girlfriend,
and doing oneof those weird taunting things
that people sometimes dowhen they get drunk.
They just forget like,"Ah,
whoo, look at us, oh, yeah,"but she was more of,
like the Fred Flintstonelooking lesbian,
and her girlfriendwas more of a Betty Rubble type,
and more slender, and she'sdoing a lot of hair pulling.
They're kissing each other,and she's,
like, kissing her girlfriend,
and taunting us,
and then finally,she goes "Sorry, boys,
"she only likes girls,
and my dick's always hard."
We're justlooking at each other,
so I go,"What's your secret?"
You know, when someone
says something like that, maybethey know some things you don't.
I go,"Your dick's always hard?"
She goes,"It's a strap-on."
I go,"Having a strap-on,
"and thinking it's a dick,is like having a lighter,
and thinking you're a dragon."
That might be the dumbest thing
that anybody's eversaid in that spot.
That's ridiculous.It's not a dick.
It's rubber.You don't feel it.
It's black. You're white.
It doesn't make babies.
It's attached to a tool belt.You want me to keep going?
You know,if I put a quarter in my butt,
it doesn't make it a bank.
"This is--this is crazy.
You don't even knowhow to use that thing."
No, unless you're doing a lotof steroids and dead lifts,
where are you gettingthe lower back muscles
to give someonea proper [bleep]ing?
She doesn't know.Why doesn't she know?