IT WAS UGLY... MY PARENTS ARGUED
ALL THE TIME BEFORE THEY GOT
DIVORCED.
I CAME HOME MY PARENTS STARTED
WEARING THEIR WEDDING RINGS
ON THEIR MIDDLE FINGERS.
LOOK AT YOUR RING.
LOOK AT IT.
THAT'S WHY I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY ANYBODY WOULD EVER BEAT
THEIR CHILDREN.
WHEN DAMAGING THEM
PSYCHOLOGICALLY IS SO MUCH MORE
PERMANENT.
(LAUGHTER)
I'M SO SORRY IF YOU GOT
THAT JOKE.
THAT MEANS YOU'RE FROM A BROKEN
HOME, TOO.
MY PARENTS ARGUED ALL THE TIME.
I WOULD SWORE, I WOULD NEVER BE
IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE
WHO LIKED TO ARGUE, BUT MY LAST
GIRLFRIEND, THAT'S ALL SHE LIKED
TO DO.
AND I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN IT WAS
TROUBLE ON THE FIRST DATE.
MAN, WE'RE HAVING DINNER,
FROM ACROSS THE TABLE SHE GOES,
WHAT KIND OF DRUGS DO YOU LIKE?
I'M LIKE, WHAT AN HONEST
QUESTION.
I'LL GIVE YOU AN HONEST ANSWER,
MAN.
I SAID, YOU KNOW, I REALLY LIKE
SMOKING WEED.
AND ONCE A YEAR FOR SPIRITUAL
PURPOSES, I LIKE TO DO
MUSHROOMS.
AND IF I'M WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE
AT THE RIGHT TIME, ECSTASY IS
ALWAYS FUN.
SHE LOOKED AT ME WITH THIS BLANK
LOOK ON HER FACE AND SAID:
I SAID, WHAT KIND OF DOGS DO YOU
LIKE?
OOPS.
I DON'T LIKE DOGS.
UNLESS THEY'VE GOT A BAG OF WEED
TIED TO THEIR COLLAR.
HERE, POOCHY, POOCHY, POOCHY.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)