IT WAS UGLY... MY PARENTS ARGUED

ALL THE TIME BEFORE THEY GOT

DIVORCED.

I CAME HOME MY PARENTS STARTED

WEARING THEIR WEDDING RINGS

ON THEIR MIDDLE FINGERS.

LOOK AT YOUR RING.

LOOK AT IT.

THAT'S WHY I DON'T UNDERSTAND

WHY ANYBODY WOULD EVER BEAT

THEIR CHILDREN.

WHEN DAMAGING THEM

PSYCHOLOGICALLY IS SO MUCH MORE

PERMANENT.

(LAUGHTER)

I'M SO SORRY IF YOU GOT

THAT JOKE.

THAT MEANS YOU'RE FROM A BROKEN

HOME, TOO.

MY PARENTS ARGUED ALL THE TIME.

I WOULD SWORE, I WOULD NEVER BE

IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE

WHO LIKED TO ARGUE, BUT MY LAST

GIRLFRIEND, THAT'S ALL SHE LIKED

TO DO.

AND I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN IT WAS

TROUBLE ON THE FIRST DATE.

MAN, WE'RE HAVING DINNER,

FROM ACROSS THE TABLE SHE GOES,

WHAT KIND OF DRUGS DO YOU LIKE?

I'M LIKE, WHAT AN HONEST

QUESTION.

I'LL GIVE YOU AN HONEST ANSWER,

MAN.

I SAID, YOU KNOW, I REALLY LIKE

SMOKING WEED.

AND ONCE A YEAR FOR SPIRITUAL

PURPOSES, I LIKE TO DO

MUSHROOMS.

AND IF I'M WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE

AT THE RIGHT TIME, ECSTASY IS

ALWAYS FUN.

SHE LOOKED AT ME WITH THIS BLANK

LOOK ON HER FACE AND SAID:

I SAID, WHAT KIND OF DOGS DO YOU

LIKE?

OOPS.

I DON'T LIKE DOGS.

UNLESS THEY'VE GOT A BAG OF WEED

TIED TO THEIR COLLAR.

HERE, POOCHY, POOCHY, POOCHY.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)