Ardal O'Hanlon - Staying Healthy

  • Season 5 , Ep 15
  • 10/07/2001
  • Views: 1,729

People should be enjoying themselves instead of trying to stay healthy. (2:45)

THAT YOU ALL LOOK VERY FIT AND

HEALTHY.

ALTOGETHER.

YOU LOOK GREAT, ACTUALLY.

I'M STANDING HERE ADMIRING YOUR

MAGNIFICENT TORSOS THERE.

CONGRATULATIONS!

AND YOUR BIG LEGS,

LIKE TREE TRUNKS.

EH?

BIG, MOSSY LEGS-- SQUIRRELS

RUNNING UP AND DOWN THEM!

LOVELY!

I DON'T HAVE A TORSO AT ALL.

THERE'S SUCH A GREAT EMPHASIS

HERE, IN THE UNITED STATES,

ON LOOKING GOOD AND FEELING

GOOD.

USUALLY AT AN ENORMOUS EXPENSE

TO YOUR PERSONALITY.

I FIND.

(LAUGHTER AND CHEERING)

GOOD.

WE'RE ALL ON THE SAME

WAVELENGTH.

AND THIS FRIEND OF MINE,

NOT REALLY A FRIEND,

BUT A PERSON I KNOW, IN FACT,

I HATE HIM.

WELL, THIS PERSON I HATE,

HE SUGGESTED TO ME THAT I GO ON

A "FUN RUN" TO RAISE MONEY FOR

CHARITY.

NOW I JUST LAUGHED IN HIS FACE.

BECAUSE YOU KNOW, THOSE TWO

WORDS "FUN" AND "RUN"--

THEY SHOULD NEVER BE SEEN

TOGETHER IN THE SAME SENTENCE,

YOU KNOW?

IT'S LIKE SOMEBODY WITH A BIG

LUMP ON THE SIDE OF THEIR HEAD,

SAYING, "HEY, LOOK AT MY

"'HUMOR TUMOR.'"

YOU KNOW?

(LAUGHTER)

RUNNING IS NEVER FUN.

RUNNING IS SOMETHING YOU DO WITH

THERE'S A MAN CHASING YOU WITH A

KNIFE!

(APPLAUSE)

AND YOU SEE LOTS OF PEOPLE GOING

AROUND NOW WITH LITTLE BOTTLES

OF WATER.

THEY'RE DRINKING THREE AND FOUR

LITERS OF WATER A DAY!

YOU SEE THEM THERE-- UM, I'VE

GOT MY LITTLE BOTTLE OF WATER.

I'M GOING TO LIVE FOREVER!

SOMEBODY SHOULD TELL THEM WE'RE

NOT PLANTS!

YOU KNOW?

WE'RE HIGHLY COMPLEX BEINGS!

WE CAN DRINK COFFEE AND

ALCOHOL-- WE COULD DRINK

GASOLINE IF WE WANTED TO, IF IT

WASN'T SO (BLEEP)-ING EXPENSIVE!

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

YEAH!

YEAH!

YOU KNOW, AND EVERYONE'S ON

THESE HIGH FIBER BREAKFAST

CEREALS AS WELL.

YOU KNOW, I HAVEN'T FALLEN FOR

THIS FAD YET, AND I OBJECT TO

THE CLAIMS ON THE TELEVISION

EVERY HALF AN HOUR.

FACT: THERE'S AS MUCH FIBER IN

BOWL OF BRAN, AS IN A BIG FIELD

OF CARROTS!

OR A BIG SHIPFUL OF BANANAS!

YOU KNOW, WHY CAN'T THEY TELL

THE TRUTH?

FACT: THERE'S AS MUCH FIBER IN

ONE BOWL OF BRAN AS THERE IS IN

THE TOILET AFTER EATING ONE BOWL

OF BRAN.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

BECAUSE PEOPLE NOWADAYS ARE

SO OBSESSED WITH HAVING A

REGULAR AND MASSIVE BOWEL

MOVEMENTS, AREN'T THEY?

THEY WANT TO SPEND HALF THE DAY

IN THE TOILET.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY

DON'T THROW A LAXATIVE TABLET

IN A BOWL OF CHEERIOS, AND ENJOY

THEMSELVES NOW AND AGAIN!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

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