I, uh, haven't been doingso well, recently.
Recently, uh, single.Not doing so great.
Uh, my body is not a wonderland.
It is a pet cemetery. Uh...
Couple days ago,I was at this coffee shop
and I gotthis girl's phone number.
And I was, like, oh, great,I got me a wife, uh, and...
ten minutes later, she comesback into the coffee shop
and asks for herphone number back.
I swear to God.
And in that situation,I mean, you got to give
the girl her number back, right?
You can't be, like,oh, (sighs) you want...
(sighs) you want you...you want your number back.
You... you want...you want... your number back.
Well, too late now, bitch!
I'm gon' be calling you
all the time.
If I press my earto the receiver close enough,
I can hear your fear-- blagh!
But, folks, it gets worse,
because I reach into my pocketto get her phone number,
and instead of pulling outher phone number,
I pull out a loose condom...
that flies out of my handand hits her in the chest...
which is the creepiestHail Mary pass in history.
Like, hey, you sure youdon't want to (bleep)?
The only thingthat would've been creepier
is if I took a condom out ofone pocket, and then, like,
a possum out of the other.
And I was, like,he gets to watch.
(laughter)