Godfrey - Nigeria

  • Season 9 , Ep 4
  • 02/17/2005
  • Views: 45,976

Weathermen in Nigeria have an easy job. (3:22)

I KNOW INDIANS WELL.

[LAUGHTER]

I DO 'CAUSE I'M AN AFRICAN.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S RIGHT.

I KNOW YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME

'CAUSE I GOT CLOTHES ON.

[LAUGHTER]

THEY'RE LIKE, "OH MY GOD, WHERE

ARE YOUR FLIES ON YOUR BELLY?"

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

"WHERE'S, WHERE'S THE FLY,

I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW ARE

YOU...?"

'CAUSE YOU KNOW YOU SAY

YOU'RE AFRICAN IN AMERICA,

THEY WANT THAT DISCOVERY CHANNEL

AFRICAN.

WA, LA!

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND MY FRIENDS, YO, MY FRIENDS

DON'T BELIEVE ME.

MY BLACK FRIENDS IN AMERICA

DON'T BELIEVE ME.

I SAID, "DUDE, I'M NIGERIAN,

AMERICAN."

[CHEERING]

"WORD?

WE THOUGHT YOU WERE LIKE

REGULAR BLACK."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WHAT THE HELL IS REGULAR BLACK?

CRAYOLA COMING OUT WITH COLORS

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT?

REGULAR BLACK!

I SAID YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME,

CALL MY PARENTS' HOUSE.

MY FATHER PICKS UP THE PHONE

YOU THINK YOU TALKING TO THE

LION KING.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

RIGHT.

"CAN I SPEAK TO GODFREY?"

[IN AFRICAN ACCENT]

"GODFREY IS NOT HERE."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"MUSAFA?"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE CONTINUE]

AFRICANS GET A BAD RAP,

LIKE THE STARVING KIDS, MAN.

COME ON, MAN.

EVERY TIME ON TV I GOTTA SEE

THAT WHITE DUDE WITH THE LITTLE

BLACK KIDS.

AND THEY POSE 'EM UP.

I DON'T LIKE THE WAY THEY POSE

THE STARVING KIDS.

[LAUGHTER]

WHO THE HELL IS HUNGRY

AND TRYING TO BE SEXY AT THE

SAME TIME?

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

"GIVE ME FOOD."

NINE THOUSAND FLIES AND YOU

TRYING TO BE SEXY.

"I NEED FOOD."

[LAUGHTER]

AND HE ALWAYS GOT THAT BIG OLD

BOGGER RIGHT THERE ON THE NOSE.

I'M LIKE, "EAT THE BOGGER,

YOU STRAIGHT.

EAT THE BOGGER, EAT THE BOGGER.

I AIN'T SENDING YOU A

DAMN THING.

EAT THE BOGGER!"

[LAUGHTER]

I'LL GO BACK TO NIGERIA.

I'LL BE A WEATHERMAN.

YEAH.

IT'S AN EASY JOB.

YEAH MAN, IT'S LIKE [IN ACCENT]

"HERE IS THE FIVE YEAR OUTLOOK.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HOT AS HELL.

BACK TO YOU IN THE STUDIO."

"OH, WE DON'T HAVE A NEWS TEAM,

BACK TO ME, I'M SORRY."

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

I DON'T KNOW IF YOUR PARENTS

ARE THE SAME WAY BUT IMMIGRANTS

ARE JUST LIKE THIS.

THEY'RE ALWAYS COMPLAINING ABOUT

MONEY.

THIS IS MY FATHER, THIS IS HIS

FAMOUS LINE, "WHO IS GOING TO

PAY FOR THIS?

[LAUGHTER]

I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY.

WHO IS GOING TO PAY FOR THIS?"

I'M LIKE, "I'M TEN YEARS OLD,

YOU GONNA PAY FOR IT!

"WHAT THE HELL YOU TALKING

ABOUT, YOU ARE GOING TO PAY,

"FATHER", YOU'RE GONNA PAY."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

'CAUSE I WAS HANGING OUT WITH

MY FRIEND SHAWN, HE'S AMERICAN

YA KNOW.

HE THINKS EVERY AMERICAN HAS A

KNIFE.

HE'S LIKE, "I, I DON'T LIKE THAT

BOY.

HE HAS A KNIFE.

AND HE WILL STAB YOU.

AND YOU WILL DIE.

AND WHO IS GOING TO PAY FOR IT?"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I CAN'T EVEN DIE YOU WON'T EVEN

PAY FOR IT!

SO I GOTTA STAY ALIVE IF I GET

STABBED, "OWEEEEE, HE'S NOT

GOING TO PAY FOR IT.

AHHHH!"

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

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