David O'Doherty - The Protestant

Mike Lawrence, Andy Zaltzman, Kurt Braunohler, David O'Doherty Season 3, Ep 4 08/10/2012 Views: 14,769

David O'Doherty explains how monocultural Ireland used to be. (2:10)

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I grew up, I grew up in, inIreland.

In 1981, Ireland was... yeah,hold your fire there, everyone.


Someone's about to be prettysassy about Ireland.

It is an, an interestingobservation that here

in particular, NewYork City, people,

when they find out you'reIrish,

love to come up and theylove to do their hilarious

impersonation ofthis accent to me.

Please don't do that.

'Cause it's always mildlyoffensive, borderline racist.

"Oh, you're Irish? Be-jesus!

"Dere's a bomb in mepotato to be sure!"

You've no idea howmono-cultural

the Ireland that Igrew up in was.

In 1982, Ireland was 96%white Catholic.

That is a nightmare.

It was the only country inthe world where parsley was

regarded as a spice...

where someone would take amouthful of vegetable soup

and be like, "whoa,no, no, no, no.

"That is burning, send thatback.

"A foreigner has made that."

This'll give you an idea ofhow mono-cultural it was.

We knew of one Protestant wholived on our road and she was

called The Protestant.

And she lived in a house calledThe Protestant's House.

And she had a gooseberry bushin her front garden.

'Course she did, Protestant!

But people were coming homefrom school,

they used to pick thegooseberries and throw them

at her window and go, "youProtestant!" and run off.

And one day The Protestantcaught one of my friends.

I think she must have been onthe roof and she flew down.

"[screeches] Got his heart!"

And my mother found out andmy mother was furious.

And I was like, "Mom, it'sfine, she's Protestant!"

And Mom said, "David,I'm Protestant.

"We're pretty much aProtestant family."

"No! Beelzebub!"