Went to my doctor.
He calls me.Turns out I have a rare disease
known as chronic doll hair.
I recently lost some weight.
Lost a couple pounds.
I had to.
Uh, I was getting big.
I was getting, uh, so big,
my friends could hear me breathethrough a text message.
Like, "Hey, what are you doing?"
Go back to eating mayonnaise.You're fine.
But I lost the weight quickly.
And, uh, 'cause I'ma good person, I want to help
other people that might wantto try to lose weight.
I'm putting out a diet book.
And it's goingto come out next week.
You can buy it at any bookstore.
The book is titled Cocaine and Depression:
How to Cry Yourself Thin.
If you get it when itfirst comes out,
it comes with an ex-girlfriendand an eight ball starter kit.
So it's a pretty good deal.
Pretty good deal.
I am kidding, of course.I-I make a lot of cocaine jokes,
because I used to do a lotof cocaine this morning.
...now I'm just sweatyand confused.
I really don't...
34 years old. I, uh...
I think, as a 34-year-old man,
it is about time thatI stopped taking Ecstasy.
There isnothing creepier than, like,
a grown-up with a full beard,
a Mot rhead T-shirtand a jean jacket like...
Is that a lollipop?Can I have some of that?
Dude, is thata jacket made of pants?
You want toget out of here, old man?
Where are you going?
This is a Van Halenback patch, come back.