Gabriel Iglesias - Keep the Noise Down

  • Season 7 , Ep 1
  • 02/06/2003
  • Views: 199,703

OH, BUT I GOTTA TELL YOU GUYS,

WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND.

OH, I GOT HIM REALLY GOOD ONE

TIME, RIGHT?

IT WAS THREE COMEDIANS TOTAL.

IT WAS MY FRIEND MANDO AND I.

MY FRIEND MANDO IS KINDA BUILT

LIKE ME A LITTLE BIT, YOU KNOW?

HERCULES, HERCULES.

IT WAS HIM, MYSELF AND FELIPE

OF COURSE.

AND THEY PUT US UP AT THIS HOTEL

BUT THEY ONLY GAVE US TWO ROOMS.

SO, I GAVE ONE ROOM TO FELIPE

AND MY BUDDY MANDO AND I TOOK

THE OTHER, RIGHT?

TEN MINUTES INTO THE STAY,

I'M LIKE, "MANDO, I KNOW FELIPE

WANTS TO GET SOME SLEEP.

WE GOTTA MESS WITH THIS GUY.

WE GOTTA CALL HIM UP AND DO

SOMETHING."

HE'S LIKE, "DUDE, CALL HIM UP."

I'M LIKE, "I KNOW, ALRIGHT?

HOLD ON.

I'LL CALL HIM.

SHUT UP."

(SOUND OF PHONE RINGING)

"ALRIGHT, SHUT UP, OKAY, OKAY,

HOLD ON."

"HELLO?"

(FEMALE VOICE) "HELLO, SIR?

HI, THIS IS THE FRONT DESK.

WE'RE HAVING A REPORT OF A LOT

OF NOISE COMING FROM YOUR ROOM.

DO YOU THINK YOU COULD PLEASE

KEEP THE NOISE DOWN?"

"OH, I'M SORRY, FOOL.

I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS MAKING

NOISE."

"THANK YOU, SIR."

TEN MINUTES LATER CALLED HIM

BACK.

(SOUND OF PHONE RING)

(HEAVY BREATHING) "HELLO?"

(FEMALE VOICE) "HELLO, SIR?

HI, FRONT DESK AGAIN.

OBVIOUSLY, YOU DO NOT

UNDERSTAND WHAT I SAID EARLIER

ABOUT THE NOISE.

YOU NEED TO KEEP THE NOISE

DOWN."

"BUT I'M NOT MAKING N-- "

"SIR, LISTEN, YOU EITHER KEEP

THE NOISE DOWN, OR I'M GONNA

CALL THE AUTHORITIES."

(HEAVY BREATHING)

"OKAY.

(LAUGHTER)

I'M SORRY."

"THANK YOU."

AND BEFORE I HUNG UP THE PHONE,

I DID THIS.

(FEMALE VOICE) "DAMN MEXICAN."

(HANGS UP)

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

WHOO!

I GOTTA TELL YOU GUYS, MAN,

YOU SWORE TO GOD THE MEXICAN

REVOLUTION STARTED ALL OVER

AGAIN.

HE WAS MAD.

HE CAME RUNNING OVER

TO THE DOOR, POUNDING, YOU KNOW?

"FOOL, OPEN THE DOOR."

(GIGGLING)

"WE GOT HIM.

WE GOT HIM."

"SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP,

SHUT UP."

ALRIGHT.

(SOUND OF DOOR OPENING)

"WHAT'S UP, BRO?"

"FOOL, YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE

IT.

THIS HOTEL IS RACIST."

"REALLY?

WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?"

"FOOL, THE LADY AT THE

FRONT DESK HAS A PROBLEM WITH

MEXICANS."

"WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA

DO ABOUT IT?"

"FOOL, I'M GONNA GO SHOOT THAT

BITCH."

(LAUGHTER)

FELIPE GETS TO THE LOBBY ABOUT

15 SECONDS BEFORE WE DO, RIGHT?

AND HE MAKES THE BIGGEST SCENE

IN THE LOBBY.

AND KEEP IN MIND, THE GIRLS AT

THE COUNTER, THEY HAVE NO IDEA

WHAT'S GOING ON.

THEY'RE STANDING THERE.

THEY'RE DOING THEIR JOB.

AND FELIPE COMES IN.

"ALRIGHT, WHICH ONE OF YOU

BITCHES DOESN'T LIKE MEXICANS?"

(LAUGHTER)

AND THEY'RE BEHIND THE COUNTER,

RIGHT?

"OH, MY GOD.

MY GOD."

AND ONE OF 'EM PRESSES

THE LITTLE SILENT ALARM BUTTON

THINGY, RIGHT?

AND WE DIDN'T FIND OUT 'TIL

LATER.

SURE ENOUGH, ARMANDO AND I,

WE GET TO THE LOBBY.

"DUDE, FELIPE-- DON'T MESS

AROUND, BRO.

DON'T--"

"FOOL, SHUT UP, YOU'RE LAUGHING

AT ME."

ALL OF A SUDDEN, THE SECURITY

GUY WALKS IN, GRABS FELIPE

AND STARTS TRYING TO, YOU KNOW,

PUT HIM DOWN.

I'M LIKE, "SIR, I CAN EXPLAIN

EVERY--"

"FOOL, SHUT UP."

AND HE STARTS ARGUING.

SO, I WALK UP FROM BEHIND,

AND I GRAB HIS EAR AND I GO,

(FEMALE VOICE) "SIR...

"YOU'RE GONNA NEED TO KEEP

THE NOISE DOWN."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

"FOOL, WAS THAT YOU?"

(FEMALE VOICE) "YES, SIR."

"YOU'RE A PUNK, FOOL."

(FEMALE VOICE) "I KNOW, SIR.

BUT IT WAS FUNNY, HUH?"

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

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