Neighbor Shoots Macaque Dead

  • Season 1 , Ep 4
  • 09/04/2012
  • Views: 12,888

Natasha Leggero, Anthony Jeselnik, Todd Glass and Jeff Ross discuss the good old days when monkeys just smoked cigarettes and tore off women's faces. (3:00)

>> ALL RIGHT.

WELCOME BACK.

ED, WHAT IS NEXT?

>> IT'S A FLORIDA MAN'S PET

MONKEY WAS SHOT AFTER HE

ATTACKED HIS HAND.

[LAUGHTER]

>> BY THE WAY, THIS IS THE BEST

HEADLINE EVERYBODY.

NEIGHBOR SHOTS McCOCK DEAD.

>> YEAH.

THIS POOR MONKEY, NOT ONLY WAS

IT SHOT IN THE HEAD, IT'S MAN OF

THE DIRTY MEAL OF A FLORIDIAN.

>> MY COUSIN ED IS A DIRTY

FLORIDIAN.

>> LOOKS LIKE ONE.

>> I MISSED THE GOOD OLD DAYS

WHEN MONKEYS SMOKED CIGARETTES

AND TORE OFF WOMEN'S FACES.

[LAUGHTER]

>> YEAH.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

ALL SERIOUSNESS --

[LAUGHTER]

-- THEY DRESS THEM UP IN

DIAPERS.

THE WORST THING YOU CAN HEAR IS

IT'S YOUR TURN TO CHANGE THE

MONKEY.

SWEAR TO GOD.

[LAUGHTER]

>> ARE YOU OKAY, TODD.

>> I WAS HOPING THERE WOULD BE A

P.A. THAT WOULD HAVE FIXED THAT

BY NOW.

[LAUGHTER]

>> I GOT IT, TODD.

>> NO, NO, NO.

IT'S A JOKE IF I SAY IT AND I DO

IT MYSELF.

IF I DON'T DO IT MYSELF, PEOPLE

GO HMM.

>> TODD, LEAVE IT, LEAVE IT.

>> NO, NO, NO.

THIS IS WHAT IS GOOD ABOUT THIS

SHOW.

I'M SERIOUS.

IT'S FUN.

[LAUGHTER]

>> I'LL TELL YOU, SHE HAS 100

ORGASMS A DAY AND SHE'S STILL

COMPLAINING.

THAT PROVES WOMEN ARE NEVER

HAPPY.

>> TODD, THAT'S IT.

WE LEFT THAT 20 MINUTES AGO.

>> I KNOW.

[LAUGHTER]

WE DID THAT BIT ALREADY.

>> I KNOW.

A WRITER WROTE IT, TOLD HIS

FAMILY TO WATCH THE SHOW.

HE CAN SAY "I WROTE THAT ONE."

>> ANTHONY, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN

TODD'S LIVE ACT BEFORE?

>> I TRIED TO.

[LAUGHTER]

>> I KNOW.

I SEEM LIKE A BIG GUY, BUT DEEP

DOWN, I'M JUST A REGULAR [BLEEP]

IDIOT LIKE YOU PEOPLE.

>> ALL RIGHT.

TODD, YOU'RE SO [BLEEP] FUNNY.

IT'S A MIRACLE YOU'RE NOT

FAMOUS.

[LAUGHTER]

NATASHA, IF YOU HAD TO PICK SEX

WITH EITHER ANTHONY OR TODD, YOU

WERE ON A DESERT ISLAND WITH THE

TWO OF THEM AND I KNOW THIS IS A

LITTLE RANDOM AND I REALIZE YOUR

DAD IS WATCHING AT THE SAME

TIME --

>> IS YOUR DAD HERE?

>> IS HE ONE OF THE CHOICES?

>> NO.

[LAUGHTER]

>> DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE YOU'RE

GOING TO HURT MY FEELINGS.

OF COURSE HE'S GOING TO PICK

YOU.

>> HONESTLY, THE FIRST TIME I

SAW TODD, WHO IS THAT

CHARISMATIC MAN.

>> WHAT ABOUT THE SECOND TIME?

[LAUGHTER]

>> THANKS FOR BEING SO NICE.

KEEP IT GOING FOR MY FRIENDS

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