Brian Regan - "Antiques Roadshow"

Brian Regan: Standing Up Season 1, Ep 1 06/09/2007 Views: 34,451

If aliens ever get their hands on an episode of "Antiques Roadshow," the human race is doomed. (2:01)

It's one of myfavorite shows.

People bring intheir old stuffto get it appraised.

My favorite partof that whole show...

is the peoplein the background, you know?

If aliens ever wanted to seewhat we're all about,

they should just bring that tapeback to their planet.

"Let me show you whatwe're dealing with here.

"Yeah, we can dowhatever we want down there.

Yeah, they rulethe whole planet."

"They rule the whole"--"Yes. They rulethe whole planet."

"Let's go shine lightsin their eyes."

I'd like to get on that show--

Go stand in line for, like,three hours with an old,rusty spatula.

Just finally get up there.Hand it to the guy.

"Is there some type of storyassociated with this?"


"Well, it was inthe kitchen drawer,

"and I couldn't open it'cause the spatulawas stickin' up.

So I thought maybeit was from Babylon."

"Do you see howthis says 'Kmart'?

Would you be surprisedif I told you this wasabsolutely worthless?"


When is this gonna air?"

[ Imitates Beeping ]"Absolutely worthless."