Eddie Gossling - Teapot

  • Season 8 , Ep 7
  • 02/19/2004
  • Views: 1,961

Eddie Gossling: I'M FROM THE

SUBURBS.

[SILENCE]

YEAH.

[LAUGHTER]

I'LL TELL YOU THIS GROWING UP

IN THE SUBURBS WAS NOT EXACTLY

LIKE HAVING YOUR ASS IN A TUB OF

BUTTER, FOLKS.

[LAUGHTER]

I REMEMBER ONE TIME IT WAS HOT

IN THE HOUSE AND I WAS LIKE,

"FATHER, IT IS SWELTERING

IN HERE."

[LAUGHTER]

"MIGHT WE TURN ON THE

AIR CONDITIONING FOR BUT A

MOMENT?"

AND HE'S LIKE, "NO.

GO TO YOUR ROOM."

OKAY?

SO, THAT'S WHERE I'M COMING

FROM.

[LAUGHTER]

MAN, I LISTEN TO TOO MUCH

HIP-HOP.

IT'S AFFECTED THE WAY I TALK

TO PEOPLE.

IT DOES.

I LOVE HIP-HOP.

EVEN IF IT'S LIKE 70%/30%

HIP TO THE HOP,

I'LL STILL LISTEN.

[LAUGHTER]

I DON'T CARE.

I DON'T CARE.

YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I DO.

I LIKE NELLY.

NELLY'S PRETTY COOL.

HE'S GOT THIS ONE SONG WHEN

HE TALKS ABOUT HOW HOT IT IS

AND HOW THIS GIRL SHOULD JUST

TAKE HER CLOTHES OFF.

BUT THEN THE GIRL'S LIKE,

"IT IS GETTING HOT IN HERE.

I'M GONNA TAKE MY CLOTHES

OFF."

AND I'M LIKE, "DAMN.

THIS GUY'S LIKE A HYPNOTIST."

I WISH I COULD JUST SUGGESTIVELY

SING SOMETHING TO A LADY AND

SHE'D DO IT LIKE I WAS A SEXUAL

WARLOCK.

I'D PROBABLY USE MY POWER FOR

EVIL, THOUGH.

[LAUGHTER]

♪ THIS MEAL IS EXPENSIVE ♪

♪ I HOPE SHE PAYS FOR HALF ♪

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

♪ ORAL SEX TASTES REAL GOOD ♪

♪ AND IT'S GOOD FOR YOU ♪

♪ IT FIGHTS OSTEOPOROSIS ♪

HAS ANYBODY EVEN CHECKED TO SEE

IF THAT MIGHT BE TRUE?

ENOUGH WITH THE MILK ALREADY.

TEST THE PIMP JUICE.

YEAH.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

COME ON.

THAT WOULD JUST MAKE IT THAT

LESS AWKWARD TO ASK FOR ONE.

LIKE, "HONEY, I DON'T LIKE

THESE EITHER."

ECK!

I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO BE

ALL CRICKETY!

NOW, LET THE HEALING BEGIN.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH.

I USED TO GET IN FIGHTS WITH

THE HIP-HOP CLUBS ALL THE TIME,

BUT NOT ANYMORE.

WHEN IT LOOKS LIKE I'M ABOUT

TO GET IN A FIGHT, THIS IS HOW

I GET OUT OF IT.

I'M LIKE "YOU DON'T WANT

A PART OF THIS."

THERE'S MORE.

DON'T DO THAT OR YOU'LL GET

YOUR ASS BEAT.

[LAUGHTER]

"THIS IS FRESH BREWED EDDIE."

AND THEN I GO--

[TEA KETTLE WHISTLE]

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH.

IF YOU DO THAT, NOBODY WILL

FIGHT YOU.

I SWEAR TO GOD.

YOU GOTTA KEEP IT GOING.

EVEN AS THEY'RE WALKING AWAY...

[WHISTLES CONTINUALLY]

THEY LOOK BACK.

[WHISTLES CONTINUALLY]

IT'S THE TEAPOT.

TEAPOT!

[LAUGHTER]

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