Surfer Riot, Pizza Beating & Anthony's Dad

Season 2 , Ep 5 08/06/13 Views: 11,064

The LAPD fires tear gas at surfers, aliens may be to blame for dead cows in Missouri, and a man beats his girlfriend with a pizza. (2:28)

FIRST, IT'S BEEN A GREAT

WEEK.

LAST WEEKEND, CLEVELAND

KIDNAPPING VICTIM AMANDA

BERRY MADE HER FIRST PUBLIC

APPEARANCE AT A NELLY

CONCERT.

SHE SAID SHE BECAME A FAN

AFTER GETTING HOT IN THERE

AND TAKING OFFER ALL HER

CLOTHES.

>>.

[LAUGHTER]

>> THAT'S ACTUALLY A PRETTY

HARSH JOKE.

I'M SORRY, NELLY.

DID YOU GUYS HEAR ABOUT

THIS?

POLICE IN LOS ANGELES FIRED

TEAR GAS AT RIOTERS AFTER

THEY RAMPAGED FOLLOWING A

SURFING COMPETITION.

COPS ARRESTED EIGHT PEOPLE

AND HANGED TEN.

[LAUGHTER]

>> 17 MAGAZINE IS IN TROUBLE

AFTER IT PUBLISHED AN

ARTICLE ON ONLINE DATING.

SOME SAY IT COULDN'T MAKE IT

EASIER FOR TEEN GIRLS TO

MEET OLDER MEN, WHILE OTHERS

SAY, EXACTLY.

[LAUGHTER]

>> NOW, THIS IS CRAZY.

IN ARKANSAS, A PARALYZED MAN

WHO HAD RECENTLY ADOPTED A

DOG WOKE UP TO FIND THE DOG

HAD EATEN ONE OF HIS

TESTICLES.

DOCTORS ARE HOPING THEY CAN

REATTACH IT, IF THEY CAN

JUST GET THE DOG TO DROP THE

BALL.

COME ON, BOY.

DROP THE BALL.

DROP IT.

YEAH.

[APPLAUSE]

>> THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE.

OFFICIALS IN MISSOURI THINK

THE STATE MAY HAVE BEEN

ATTACKED BY ALIENS AFTER

FOUNDING A NUMBER OF COWS

WITH THEIR TONGUES, UDDERS,

ANUSES AND VAGINAS MISSING.

EITHER THAT OR SOMEONE WAS

MAKING HOT DOGS.

LAST WEEK A MAN IN NORTH

CAROLINA WAS ARREST EDITOR

BEATING HIS GIRLFRIEND WITH

A PIZZA.

YEAH.

THE POLICE REPORT DIDN'T

MENTION WHAT KIND OF PIZZA,

BUT THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

WAS AUTHENTIC ITALIAN.

[LAUGHTER]

>> THAT WAS A GREAT

MONOLOGUE.

LET'S SEE WHAT MY DAD HAS TO

SAY.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> ANTHONY, I'M LEAVING YOUR

MOTHER.

[LAUGHTER]

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