JB Smoove - Horrible Chicken

01/21/2012 Views: 5,708

In order to keep a relationship going, a woman has got to know how to cook. (2:22)

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Certain things you gotta do, man,

to keep your relationship going.

Your lady got to knowhow to cook.

Her ass got to knowhow to cook.

I don't mean [bleep] around.

You know,I'm talking about real shit.

Shit that menlike to eat, right?

You ever eatensome fried chicken

that wasso [bleep] horrible, right?

That was so terrible.

You [bleep] up fried chicken,you ain't shit.

You ever tastesome damn chicken so horrible

that you wished the chickenwould show up at your house

and show your ladyhow to cook him?

"Get the [bleep] out the way.This is ridiculous.

I'm gonna show youhow to cook a piece of chicken."

He got to tie his own leg off.

Now pick that chicken leg up.

Pick it up!

Wash it off.Wash it off.

Go in that damn cabinet.

Get the seasoning salt,the paprika,

the salt, the pepper,some flour, and a paper bag.

And hurry up.

This don't makeno Goddamn sense.

I got to show your asshow to cook me?

Put the Goddamn frying panon the Goddamn stove.

Pour some Goddamn grease in it--375, let it heat up.

This don't makeno [bleep] sense.

Wash that chicken off good...

'cause I could kill your asswith salmonella.

I'm getting so weak.

Now put that chickenin the Goddamn pan.

Let it cook 15 minuteson one side,

then turn iton the other side,

15 more minutes.

Oh, shit.I'm blacking out.

I'm getting real weak here.

Oh, God.


Let it brown real goodon both sides.


When that chicken get done,you come up here,

and you snap my neck.

And you rotisseriethe rest of me.

Now, don't [bleep] this up now.

475 in the oven, covered upwith aluminum foil.


[cheers and applause]