Judy Gold - Television

  • Season 3 , Ep 15
  • 09/14/2000
  • Views: 2,168

Judy was on a recent episode of "Law and Order." (3:11)

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THAT SHOW.DO YOU LOVE THE SHOW?

ISN'T IT THE BEST SHOW?YOU DON'T WATCH IT?

IT IS THE--YOU WANNA KNOWWHY THIS SHOW'S GREAT?

IT'S NOT THE SUSPENSEAND ANTICIPATION.

THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS,

NO OTHER SHOWIN THE HISTORY OF OUR COUNTRY

HAS MADE ME FEELSMARTER OR MORE ATTRACTIVE.

THAT'S WHY THAT SHOW IS SO--

I LOVE THAT SHOW.

OH, BUT THE FIRST WEEKIT WAS ON--

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU SAW IT--

THEY HAD THIS GAY GUY ON.HE WAS SO FUNNY.

AND, YOU KNOW, REGISWAS LIKE, "FINAL ANSWER?"

[lisping]"FINAL ANSWER, REGIS."

[laughter]

BUT IT WAS HILARIOUS,'CAUSE THE GUY WON $32,000,

AND HE CAME BACK THE NEXT NIGHT.

AND REGIS SAYS TO HIM,"IF YOU WIN THE MILLION,

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?"

[lisping]"I'M GOING TO BARNEYSAND BUY 50 PAIRS OF SHOES."

[laughter]

I LOVE THAT SHOW.

LAW AND ORDER--ANOTHER OF MY FAVORITE SHOWS.

DO YOU, LIKE, THE SHOW?IT'S A GREAT SHOW.

[applause]

A FEW WEEKS AGO--

I HAVE TO TELL YOU--THIS IS TRUE.

I ACTUALLY TAPEDAN EPISODE OF LAW AND ORDER.

IT WAS ALL DAY FRIDAY--IT WAS GREAT.

AND WEDNESDAY--

THE WEDNESDAY PRIOR--I GET THIS CALL.

[in nasal voice]"HI, JUDY.

"IT'S JENNIFERFROM LAW AND ORDER.

I'M HEAD OF WARDROBE."

"HI, JENNIFER."

"WE'RE SO EXCITEDABOUT HAVING YOU ON."

"THANKS."

"LISTEN,I JUST NEED YOUR SIZES."

"OKAY."

"HOW TALL ARE YOU?"

"6'3"."

"OKAY, AND HOW MUCHDO YOU WEIGH?"

"180."

"AND YOUR SHOE SIZE?"

"12."

"OKAY, GREAT.

"IS THERE ANYTHING YOUCOULD BRING FROM YOUR CLOSET

THAT THE CHARACTER MIGHT WEAR?"

I'M ON THE SUBWAYWITH A BIG SUITCASE,

THINKING I'M, LIKE, MAKINGTHIS BIG CAREER MOVE.

AND THEN I GET THERE,AND JENNIFER SAYS,

"OH, WE ALWAYS MAKE EVERYONEBRING THEIR OWN CLOTHES."

I'M LIKE, "IF YOU DID THAT,YOU WOULDN'T HAVE A JOB, OKAY?"

I USUALLY DON'T GET NERVOUS,

BUT YOU KNOW, YOU WORK WITHTHESE BIG ACTORS--I GET REALLY--

WOULDN'T YOUGET NERVOUS ABOUT THAT?

I ACTUALLY HAD ANXIETYFOR SO LONG,

I WENT TO A PSYCHIATRIST,AND I SAID TO THE GUY,

"I'M CONSTANTLY ANXIOUS.WHAT DO I DO?"

HE TOLD ME I HAVEOBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER.

I WAS SHOCKED.

I HAD TO CALL HIM NINE TIMESTO MAKE SURE,

BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAYTHAT I HAVE THIS--SERIOUSLY.

YOU KNOW WHAT I HAD?

ONE OBSESSION IS,I HAVE TO ANSWER THE PHONE.

I HAVE TO PICK UP THE PHONE.I CAN'T STAND IT.

IT'S REALLY BAD,BECAUSE I REMEMBER ONE TIME

I HAD FOOD POISONING--HAVEYOU EVER HAD FOOD POISONING?

(woman) YES.

IT IS THE MOSTDEBILITATING THING, IS IT NOT?

AND THIS REALLY MADE ME HATEMY IDIOT FRIENDS.

I'M DEAD ON THE BED,YOU KNOW,

WITH THE FOOD POISONING,AND THE PHONE RINGS.

SO I HAVE TO ANSWER.I'M LIKE:

[in sickly voice]"HELLO?"

"WHAT'S WRONG?"

"I HAVE FOOD POISONING."

"OH, WHAT'D YOU EAT?"

[laughter]

"WHAT IS THE LAST THING THATI WANT TO THINK ABOUT RIGHT NOW?

"I HAD MAHIMAHI, OKAY?IT WAS DELICIOUS.

"ACTUALLY IT WAS BETTERTHE SECOND TIME ON THE WAY UP.

"I TASTED STUFF I HAD NO IDEAWAS IN THE RECIPE.

"YOU KNOW, I'D LOVETO SIT AND CHAT,

"BUT I'VE GOTTA RUNAND TAKE A [bleep] NOW.

"CALL ME LATER. I'LL BE [bleep]AND PUKING AT THE SAME TIME.

"YOU MIGHT WANT TO BRINGTHE VIDEO CAMERA.

THANKS FOR CALLING."

THIS IS WHY CALLER I.D.IS THE GREATEST INVENTION.

I LOVE CALLER I.D.DO YOU HAVE THE CALLER I.D.?

GREATEST INVENTION--KNOW WHY?

IF YOU HATE SOMEONE, YOU NEVERHAVE TO TALK TO THAT PERSON.

ANY TIME I SEEIT'S MY MOTHER'S NUMBER,

I CAN PICK UP THE PHONE.

I GO, "PUT THE GUN DOWN!LEAVE ME ALONE!"

THEN I HANG UP. IT'S GOODFOR HER HEART CONDITION.

SHE REALLY GETSON MY NERVES AND--

[laughter]

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