Robert Hawkins - Quitting Smoking

  • Season 7 , Ep 20
  • 07/03/2003
  • Views: 2,185

Quitting smoking doesn't mean quitting other addictions. (1:27)

I'M CELEBRATING.

TODAY IS NINE WEEKS AND

THREE DAYS, NO CIGARETTES FOR

ME, NOT A PUFF.

THAT'S RIGHT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANKS.

WELL, NO SENSE CLAPPIN',

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE I DO.

[LAUGHTER]

I JUST QUIT SMOKING.

I DIDN'T STOP SMACKING KITTENS.

THAT'S A DIFFERENT ADDICTION

RIGHT THERE, MAN.

I JUST LOVE IT, THE LOOK ON

THEIR FACE WHEN I SMACK 'EM,

YOU KNOW.

AND THEIR BRAINS ARE SO SMALL,

THEY DON'T REALIZE FROM

DAY TO DAY THAT IT'S GONNA

HAPPEN AGAIN, YOU KNOW?

[LAUGHTER]

I DON'T EVEN CARE IF MY FINGERS

GET YELLOW.

IT'S JUST GOT A HOLD ON ME,

AND I'LL TAPER OFF EVENTUALLY.

BUT THE CIGARETTES ARE GONE.

HOW DID I QUIT?

WITH WILLPOWER AND NICOTINE GUM.

I'LL RECOMMEND THE GUM IF YOU

WANNA QUIT, IT HELPS.

THE TASTE?

I WOULD RATHER EAT A TOBACCO

PLANT OUT OF THE ASS OF A

PILGRIM...

IN FRONT OF PEOPLE.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT WHERE DO YOU GET A PILGRIM?

THE GUM'S AT THE STORE.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU KNOW IT'S TIME TO QUIT

SMOKING WHEN YOU SEE CERTAIN

SIGNS LIKE SOME OLD GUY WALKING

AROUND WITH A CANISTER OF OXYGEN

IN TOW ON A LITTLE DOLLY,

35 YEARS OLD, AND HE'S GOT

A CIGARETTE IN THIS YELLOW HOOK

OVER HERE, LIKE HE DON'T MAKE

THE CONNECTION.

"I WONDER WHY I'M DYING SLOW."

[LAUGHTER]

WHEN DO YOU LEARN, PAPA?

PUT THE CIGARETTE IN THE TUBE.

[LAUGHTER]

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