Bill Hicks - Creationists & Conspiracy Theories

Bill Hicks & Jeff Stilson Season 1, Ep 0126 02/24/1992 Views: 9,445

Bill Hicks notices something strange about creationists' appearances and shares a theory about J.F.K.'s assassination. (2:15)

GERALDO GETS PLASTIC SURGERYDONE ON THE AIR

IN THE NAME OF JOURNALISM.

I CAN'T WAIT TILL HE TRIESTHAT KEVORKIAN SUICIDE MACHINE.

( laughter and scattered applause )

THAT'S THE SHOW I'M TAPING.

"I WAS GERALDOAND I WILL NOT BE RIGHT BACK.

THANK YOU, GOD."

THE WEIRDEST STORY I SAW ON CNN

THESE FUNDAMENTALIST CHRISTIANSDOWN SOUTH

ARE TRYING TO GET CREATIONISMTAUGHT IN SCHOOLS AS A SCIENCE.

GREAT-- DEFINITELY,THE SHORTEST CLASS OF THE DAY.

"WELCOME TO CREATIONIST SCIENCE.

"IN THE BEGINNING, GOD CREATEDTHE HEAVENS AND THE EARTH.

"ON THE SEVENTH DAY, HE RESTED.

"CLASS DISMISSED.

SEE YOU AT THE FINAL."

YOU EVER NOTICE HOW PEOPLEWHO BELIEVE IN CREATIONISM

LOOK REALLY UNEVOLVED?

EYES REAL CLOSE TOGETHER,BIG FURRY HANDS AND FEET.

"I BELIEVE GOD CREATED MEIN ONE DAY."

LOOKS LIKE HE RUSHED IT.

( laughter )

PEOPLE'S BELIEFSARE SO WEIRD, MAN.

A LOT OF CHRISTIANS WEAR CROSSESAROUND THEIR NECKS.

YOU THINK WHEN JESUS COMES BACK

HE'S GOING TO WANTTO SEE A CROSS?

( scattered applause )

KIND OF LIKE GOING UPTO JACKIE ONASSIS

WITH A RIFLE PENDANT ON,YOU KNOW?

"JUST THINKING OF JOHN, JACKIE.

WE LOVE HIM."

( laughter )

DO ME A FAVOR,DON'T LOVE ME THAT MUCH, OKAY?

GET A HOBBY.

I'VE HEARD SOMEINCREDIBLE THEORIES

ABOUT THE KENNEDY ASSASSINATIONSINCE THAT MOVIE CAME OUT.

THE WEIRDEST ONE I EVER HEARD--

I HEARD THE GUY WHO SHOT KENNEDYWAS THE SECRET SERVICE MAN

IN THE FRONT SEAT OF THE LIMO.

EVERY TIME YOU'VE EVER SEENTHE ZAPRUDER FILM

HAVE YOU EVER LOOKEDAT THE SECRET SERVICE MAN

IN THE FRONT SEAT OF THAT LIMO?

IT'S LIKE THE ULTIMATEMAGIC TRICK OF MISDIRECTION.

BECAUSE LIKE MOST PEOPLE,WHEN I SEE THE ZAPRUDER FILM

I'M LOOKING AT JACKIE'S ASS

WHEN SHE GETSON THE TRUNK OF THAT CAR.