Eugene Mirman - Long Way to Go

Mirman, Friedlander, O'Neal, Kilmartin Season 5, Ep 501 11/23/2001 Views: 3,280

According to a man protesting genetic engineering on the street, society's got a long way to go. (2:25)

THIS GUY WHO'S PROTESTING

GENETIC ENGINEERING.

AND I WAS STARING AT HIS SIGN

AND READING IT.

AND THE GUY LOOKS AT ME AND

HE GOES, "SOCIETY'S GOT A LONG

WAY TO GO."

AND I SAID, "I KNOW.

I'M FROM THE FUTURE."

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

AND HE WAS LIKE, "HOW IS IT?"

"YOU KNOW, LIKE, YEAH, YEAH,

YEAH.

IT'S ALL RIGHT."

SO IF YOU'RE WALKING DOWN

THE STREET, IT IS NEVER FUNNY

TO PICK UP A CHILD AND RUN.

FOR EVEN FIVE FEET.

I HAVE THIS VERY CUTE LITTLE

GOLDEN RETRIEVER.

AND I WAS TAKING IT FOR A WALK.

AND THIS WOMAN COMES UP TO US

AND SHE'S LIKE, "OH, HE'S SUCH A

CUTE DOGGIE.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME LITTLE DOGGIE?

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

HOW OLD ARE YOU LITTLE DOGGIE?

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO LONDON

LITTLE DOGGIE?"

AND I'M LIKE, "IT DOESN'T SPEAK

ENGLISH."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

AND MY DOG GOES, "THE HELL

I DON'T!"

I'LL LEAVE YOU WITH THIS.

ONCE AFTER THE SHOW, I WAS IN

THE BATHROOM AND I WAS TIEING

MY SHOE.

AND THIS GUY COMES IN AND HE'S

LIKE, "SO, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?"

AND I'M LIKE, "I'M JUST TIEING

MY SHOE.

IF YOU NEED TO PEE I CAN MOVE."

AND HE'S LIKE, "YOU WANT TO GET

A BEAR?"

I'M LIKE, "AH, I GUESS.

MAYBE ONCE I'M OUT OF THE

BATHROOM."

AND HE'S LIKE, "YEAH, I'M IN

THE BATHROOM."

I'M LIKE, "I KNOW.

I'M ALSO IN THE BATHROOM."

AND THEN, FINALLY I TURN AROUND

AND HE'S ON A CELL PHONE.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

HE WASN'T TALKING TO ME AT ALL.

GOOD NIGHT, NEW YORK!