Vladimir Caamano - Poor ATMs

Weekend at Adam's Season 3, Ep 10 05/05/2016 Views: 1,893

Vladimir Caamano reveals how you know you're in an impoverished neighborhood. (1:42)

Just like, you know,the other sign

you live in an impoverishedneighborhood is the ATM.

Right,you ever go somewhere nice,

they have a name brand ATM.

You ever notice this?

You ever go somewhere poor,the ATM is outside.

There's no name brand.It just says "ATM."

There's just a flickering light;all you see is "AT."

For some reason the keypadis always wet.

You put the wrong pin numberand it still goes through.

The debit card doesn't evenwant to go in the machine.

The debit card says,"You gon' put me in here?


You're not gonna puta condom on me?"

The debit cardcomes out coughing.


"I think I lost my CVV codein there.



And then, you don't evenget regular money.

You ever go to a niceneighborhood, you get $20 bills

and the money comes out crisp.

It smells like opportunity.

Poor neighborhood, the machinegives you fives and tens.

The machine is programmedwith low expectations.


At the factory,they have a meeting about it.

Like, "Where is that going?The Bronx?

"All right, do me a favor.

"Put a couplesingle dollar bills,

"a couple loose cigarettesand a metro card.

"Put it in there.Give them what they like.


"Do me a favor, make it looklike a junk drawer.

"I want to seesome rubber bands,

"a couple soy sauce packets,

"and when the money comes out,make sure it's crumpled up.

"Crumple it up.


"And write some random phonenumbers on the money.

They like thatin those neighborhoods."


It's my firm belief thatevery ATM machine in America

should come with an oldblack woman right next to it.

Just right next to itto cheer you up.

You know, you get your receipt,you see that low balance,

you're like,"Oh, God."

She comes upright behind you,

"It's gon' be all right, baby.We gon' make it through.


Go on and grabthat soy sauce packet."


Guys, you been more than great.Thank you so much.