LIKE, PEOPLE ARE, LIKE,SWEEPING THE STREETS,
AND MAYBE YOU'D FIND,LIKE, A CRUST OF BACON.
AND YOU'D EAT IT.
EDGAR ALLAN POE, HE'S ONEOF THE GREAT AMERICAN POETS.
COMPLETELY DISRESPECTEDBY EVERYONE
HE EVER CAME IN CONTACT WITH.
HE WAS ALWAYS BROKE.
AND HE CAME INTO CONTACTWITH A FELLOW
BY THE NAME OF RUFUS GRISWOLD.
SO GRISWOLD SAYS TO POE,
HEY, I'M MAKING THIS BOOK CALLED
THE POETS AND POETRY OF AMERICA.
SO GIVE ME SOME OF YOUR POEMS,
AND IF I LIKE 'EM,I'LL PUT 'EM IN.
HE KNOWS IF HE PUTS HIMIN THE BOOK,
THEN EDGAR ALLAN POE WILL BELIKELY TO WRITE A NICE REVIEW.
SO POE IS LIKE, OKAY,I'LL GIVE YOU SOME OF MY POEMS.
SO HERE'S MY POEMS.
SO BOOKS GET--BOOK GET--THE BOOK GETS PUBLISHED.
POE'S--THREE OF POE--POE'S POEMS ARE--ARE PRINTED.
GRISWOLD HAS PRINTED 50 POEMSBY ONE OF HIS FRIENDS.
50!
POE'S SITTING THERE WITHTHE BOOK IN FRONT OF HIM,
FLIPPING THROUGH THE BOOK.
FLIP, FLIP, FLIP, FLIP, FLIP.
WHAT THE [bleep]?
ARE YOU [bleep] SERIOUS?
THIS [bleep]SUCKER,HACK, LOSER, ASS[bleep]
HAS PUT ME IN THE VERY BACKOF THIS BOOK.
I'VE BEEN HORNSWOGGLEDBY A [bleep].
GRISWOLD COMES TO HIM,AND HE'S LIKE,
EDGAR, WHAT DO YOU SAYTHAT YOU WRITE
ONE OF YOUR WONDERFUL REVIEWSOF MY BOOK?
AND I'LL GIVE YOUA-A HUNDRED DOLLARS FOR IT.
IT'S BASICALLY BRIBERY.
AND POE'S LIKE,SURE, NO PROBLEM.
I'LL TAKE YOUR MONEY, AND WRITEA REVIEW OF THIS--THIS BOOK.
NO PROBLEM.
NO [bleep] PROBLEM, RUFUS.
[laughing]
SO--SO HE--SO HE WRITESTHE REVIEW.
NOW, GRISWOLD HAS BEEN TELLINGHIS FRIENDS, YOU KNOW,
POE'S GONNA WRITETHIS GREAT REVIEW OF MY [bleep].
THEN HE--WHEN--WHEN HE READSTHE REVIEW THAT HE PAID FOR,
LIKE,NO ONE SHOULD READ THIS.
NONE OF THESE POETS ARE GONNA BEREMEMBERED EXCEPT FOR ME.
IT'S A WASTE OF TIMETO EVEN LOOK AT THIS THING.
ALL OF THIS IS CRAP.
EDGAR ALLAN POE.
HE'S LIKE, REALLY?
I GAVE YOU MONEY TO WRITEA [bleep] REVIEW
OF A BOOK OF POETRY THATI PUT YOU IN, YOU ASS[bleep].
GAME ON.
SO POE STARTS HEARINGTHAT GRISWOLD IS NOW, LIKE--
IS TALKING [bleep] ABOUT HIM.
SO HE GOES ON A TOUR OF AMERICA,
AND BEING LIKE,HEY, WHAT'S UP, GUYS?
YOU GUYS KNOW ABOUTRUFUS GRISWOLD, RIGHT?
THE GUY WHO WROTE THIS [bleep][bleep] BOOK OF POETRY
WHERE HE ONLY PUTTHREE OF MY POEMS IN?
YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS GUY?HE'S, LIKE, A HACK.
JUST, LIKE, A STEREOTYPICAL,BASIC,
BULL[bleep] ASS[bleep].
HE HAS NO TALENT AT ALL,
AND IF YOU GIVE GRISWOLDA HAND JOB,
HE'LL PUT 20 POEMSIN HIS [bleep] BOOK.
HE IS A VILE, HOLOGRAPHICPIECE OF [bleep].
HOLOGRAMS DON'T EVEN EXIST YET,
AND I'M CALLING HIMA [bleep] HOLOGRAM.