Jeremy Hotz - The Gym

  • Season 3 , Ep 3
  • 06/20/2000
  • Views: 7,622

The men's locker room at the gym is a horrible place. (2:21)

DO YOU GO TO THE GYM, MAN?

YOU DO?

YEAH, ME TOO.

WHAT A MISERABLE PLACETHE GYM IS, HUH?

I DON'T KNOW HOW SOMEOF THOSE MACHINES WORK.

THE ONE WHERE YOU SIT IN A CHAIRAND YOU PULL YOUR ARMS

IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE,THAT HURTS MY EAR.

MAYBE I'M DOING IT WRONG.

I DON'T KNOW.

BUT I'M NOT GOING TO ASKTHOSE TRAINERS WALKING AROUND

WITH THEIR ARMS OUT TO HERE.

HOW DO THEY WIPE THEIR ASS?

JESUS.

PROBABLY WITH LITTLE GUYSLIKE ME.

[applause]

SO I GO TO THE GYM.IT'S AWFUL.

YOU KNOW, THE GYM--WOMEN HAVE NO CLUE.

IF YOU'RE A GUY,IT'S HORRIBLE.

YOU GOT TO STAY OUTOF THE MEN'S LOCKER ROOM,

DON'T YOU?

WHAT A HORRIBLE,DISGUSTING PLACE THAT IS.

JUST FILLED WITH NAKED,85-YEAR-OLD MEN,

JUST WALKING AROUNDTOTALLY NUDE,

NOWHERE NEAR THE SHOWER,JUST NUDE AND LOITERING.

WHEN I'M NUDE,I MOVE FAST.

I'M LOOKING FOR MY CLOTHES.

THESE 85-YEAR-OLDSARE ALL PROUD.

NEVER SIT ON THE BENCH INTHE MEN'S LOCKER ROOM EITHER.

YOU KNOW THAT.

'CAUSE THESE NUDE GUYSCOME OVER AND TALK TO YOU.

I HAD ONE GUY COME OVER,

PUT HIS LEGRIGHT UP ON THE BENCH.

IT WAS DIRECTLYIN MY FIELD OF VISION,

JUST HANGING THERELIKE A CHINESE LANTERN.

GREAT, HE'S NUDE,AND HE WANTS TO CHAT,

NOT ABOUT ANYTHINGIN PARTICULAR EITHER.

"HOT ENOUGH FOR YOU?"

"OH, YEAH,IT'S PRETTY WARM.

"MAYBE IF YOU MOVEDYOUR FIGS OUT OF MY FACE,

I COULD CATCH A BREEZE."

[applause]

BUT YOU CAN'TSAY THAT TO HIM.

YOU GOT TO MAKE LIKEYOU DON'T SEE IT.

IT'S A GUY THING,YOU KNOW.

SO MY EYES ARE DARTINGALL ACROSS THE ROOM,

BUT I'M A COMIC.

SO AT THE SAME TIME,I'M SLIGHTLY CURIOUS.

SO I'M PEEKING AT ITOUT OF THE CORNER OF MY EYE.

HE'S GOING ON ABOUT THE WEATHER,AND I'M JUST THINKING,

"WHAT A UGLY PACKAGETHIS MAN HAS.

"IT'S NOT EVEN THE SAME COLORAS THE REST OF HIS BODY.

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