YOU KNOW HOW IT IS WHEN YOU'RE
BIG.
I GOT A COUSIN LITTLE BIT BIGGER
THAN ME.
YEAH.
YEAH.
HE'S A BIG DUDE, Y'ALL,
FOR REAL.
HE WENT AND BOUGHT A 1999 FORD
ESCORT.
(LAUGHTER)
HE CAME TO MY HOUSE.
"LET'S GO GET SOMETHING TO EAT."
I SAID, "WHERE AM I GONNA SIT?"
HE SAID, "I'LL GET IN THE FRONT,
YOU GET IN THE BACK."
I SAID, "DAMNIT, LET'S RIDE."
WE'RE GOING DOWN THE STREET
CALLING LIKE IT'S FULL OF
PEOPLE.
EVERYBODY--
"MAN, LOOK AT ALL THEM PEOPLE
IN THAT CAR."
POLICE PULLED US OVER.
"ALL SIX OF Y'ALL GET OUT.
OH, I'M SORRY, I THOUGHT IT WAS
SIX PEOPLE.
DRIVE ON."
YOU EVER SEE SOMEBODY SO BIG
WHEN THEY EATING THEY BE
HUMMING?
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?
WHEN HE'S IN THE RESTAURANT,
HE LIKE--
♪ (HUMMING)
THEN HE GAVE OUT A BREATH.
♪ (HUMMING CONTINUES)
(HUMMING STOPS)
I SAY, "YOU ALL RIGHT?"
"YEAH."
HE BIG, TOO.
EVERY TIME HE THINK WE GONNA EAT
HE START DANCING.
WE'LL BE AT HOME, I'LL SAY,
"MAN, I'M GOING TO GET SOMETHING
TO EAT."
HE BE LIKE--
♪ (HUMMING)
(APPLAUSE)
YOU KNOW YOU'RE BIG WHEN YOU
GO TO THE MALL, AND YOU SEE
SOMEBODY BIGGER THAN YOU,
YOU BE LIKE--
"MY GOD."
(LAUGHTER)
OR WHEN SOMEBODY--
OR YOU KNOW YOU'RE BIG WHEN
SOMEBODY BIG SAY, "DAMN."
(LAUGHTER)
"WHAT DID YOU EAT?"
BIG PEOPLE BE WALKING BY THE
FOOD COURT.
♪ (HUMMING)
STARING AT THE COOKIES.
♪ (HUMMING CONTINUES)
(APPLAUSE)
OH, MAN.
I LOVE TO EAT, THOUGH.
I WENT INTO A RESTAURANT DOWN
HERE TODAY.
THE COOK TOOK A DEEP BREATH.
(SIGHS)
"HEY, COME OUT THE BACK.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS
ONE RIGHT HERE, BUT I NEED SOME
HELP RIGHT HERE."
AND PEOPLE THAT GET MAD WITH US
QUIT CALLING US 'FAT BASTARDS'.
WE ALREADY KNOW THIS.
YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING?
THAT DON'T BOTHER US.
PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY THAT.
"YOU FAT BASTARD."
THAT DON'T BOTHER ME.
LADY CALLED ME THAT THE OTHER
DAY.
"YOU FAT BASTARD."
I DON'T--
(LAUGHTER)
YOU WANNA MAKE ME MAD, YOU TELL
ME POPEYE CHICKEN GOING OUTTA
BUSINESS.
I'LL SET THIS THEATER ON FIRE!
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
A KRISPY KREME DONUT WILL MAKE
YOU WRECK YOUR CAR.
AM I LYING?
YOU COULD BE RIDING NORMAL.
♪ (HUMMING)
THAT HOT LIGHT COME ON.
(BREAKS SCREECHING)
YOU'RE LIKE, "GET ME SIX GLAZED.
GET ME SIX GLAZED."
THEN THE LADY SAY, "YOU COULD
GET SIX MORE FOR $1."
YOU BE LIKE--
"QUIT PLAYING.
NO, PUT úEM IN THERE!
PUT úEM IN THERE!
PUT úEM IN THERE!"
OH, MY GOD.
I COULD EAT A DOZEN, AND MY
TEETH WON'T EVEN TOUCH úEM.
YOU THINK I'M LYING, DON'T YOU?
I HAD A DOZEN IN THE CAR, LIKE--
"AHHH!
AHHH!"
MY LITTLE GIRL LIKE, "DADDY,
YOU NOT EVEN CHEWING THEM."
I SAID, "YOU DON'T SUPPOSED TO."
(LAUGHTER)