Kyle Grooms - Immigrants

  • Season 11 , Ep 6
  • 01/25/2007
  • Views: 6,033

Kyle Grooms loves immigrants. (2:40)

I LIKE IMMIGRANTS 'CAUSE THEY REALLY APPRECIATE AMERICA.

THEY GET HERE, THEY HAPPY. THEY LOOK UP AT THE BUILDINGS

LIKE, "WOW, IT'S BEAUTIFUL."

AND WE'RE LIKE, "YOU LIKE IT? GOOD.

YOU GONNA CLEAN THE BATHROOMS."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THEY GOING, "REALLY? I CAN FEED MY FAMILY."

DON'T FEEL BAD, IT'S A START, THEY KNOW THAT.

YOU CAN'T BE CEO WHEN YOU GET HERE.

BUT YOU COULD OWN THE BUILDING,IF YOU WORK HARD

OR ROB OR KILL SOMEBODY, RIGHT?

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGERCOULDN'T SPEAK ENGLISH,

NOW HE GOVERNOR. AND STILL CAN'T SPEAK ENGLISH.

- THAT IS AMAZING, RIGHT? - [WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

I KNOW I COULDN'T GO THE AUSTRIA AND BECOME A GOVERNOR,

THEY WOULD LAUGH AT MY BLACK ASS. I'D BE LIKE "I WANT TO BE GOVERNOR."

THEY'D BE-- "GOVN [LAUGHS]

YOU VANT TO BE GOVNA? HA, HA, HA.

- NO NIGRAN SCHNAGAN." - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

- NO NIGRAN SCHNAGAN! - [LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

ANYBODY THAT COME HERE AND DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH IS AMAZING.

'CAUSE AMERICANS, WE ARE NOT PATIENT, RIGHT?

WE DON'T CARE IF YOU CAN'T SPEAK ENGLISH, GET THE ORDER RIGHT, RIGHT?

AND AMERICANS,I SEE SOME OF Y'ALLFLIPPING OUT ON PEOPLE.

THEY PUT FRENCH FRIES ON THE TABLE YOU GO CRAZY.

YOU BE LIKE, "WHAT IS THIS?""AH, FRENCH FRY."

"I AIN'T ASK FOR NO FRENCH FRIES. I SAID 'ONION RINGS.'"

"QUE "NO QUE, 'RINGS.' 'ONION RINGS.'"

"RING?" "YES, RING, DO YOU KNOW WHAT A RING IS?"

"YOU WANT TO USE THE TELEPHONE?" "NO!

WHERE'S YOUR MANNERS?" "MAYONNAISE?" "NO!

"MANAGER, BRING THE PERSON WHO HIRED YOU

BEFORE I RING YOUR NECK. RING."

I RESPECT ANYBODY WHO DON'T SPEAK THE LANGUAGE,

'CAUSE THAT'S SOME BRAVE STUFF.

I USED TO WORK AT UNIVISION. SPANISH TV STATION. FOR REAL,

I WAS THE ONLY BLACK DUDE IN THE WHOLE COMPANY.

I FELT LIKE THE MASCOT. EL NIGRITO.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WE WALKING AROUND, EVERYBODY SPEAKING SPANISH.

I CAN'T UNDERSTAND A THING, RIGHT?

'CAUSE THEY TALK FAST, IT WAS LIKE,

"BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, NEGRO."

- I HEARD NEGRO. - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I KNOW NEGRO. I'M NEGRO.

WHAT, Y'ALL GONNA FIRE THE NEGRO?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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