Brian Kiley - School

  • Season 10 , Ep 19
  • 04/20/2006
  • Views: 1,844

Brian's best subject in college was psychology. (3:04)

I SAW MY OLD GIRLFRIEND FROM COLLEGE.

AND WHEN WE WERE IN SCHOOL, SHE WAS A BUSINESS MAJOR.

AND NOW SHE'S A NURSE, WHICH I DIDN'T EXPECT.

AND SHE'S A MALE NURSE, WHICH I REALLY DIDN'T EXPECT.

- YEAH. - [LAUGHTER]

I DIDN'T DO TOO WELL IN COLLEGE.

THE ONLY CLASS I DID WELL IN WAS PSYCHOLOGY.

MY TERM PAPER ON DREAMSWAS ACTUALLY PUBLISHED.

- DO YOU READ PENTHOUSE? - [LAUGHTER]

- I WAS A GUY NAMED JOJO. - [LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

SO, I STUDIED PSYCHOLOGY AT SCHOOL.

I ACTUALLY THOUGHT ABOUTBECOMING A PSYCHOLOGIST.

BUT THEN I REALIZED I'D HAVE TO GIVE UP DOING THIS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND THAT JUSTWOULDN'T BE ME AND SO...

MY NIECE IS A SOPHOMOREAT WEST POINT.

SHE'S ALREADY HAD 5 MAJORS AND 3 CAPTAINS AND 2 LIEUTENANTS.

SHE'S A VERY... SLUTTY YOUNG WOMAN.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I NEVER HAD A GIRLFRIEND IN HIGH SCHOOL.

MY SISTER, WHEN SHE WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL,SHE WENT OUT WITH

THE CAPTAIN OF THE CHESS TEAM.AND MY PARENTS LOVED HIM

BECAUSE HE WAS THE CAPTAIN OF THE CHESS TEAM.

THEY FIGURED ANY GUY THAT TOOK THREE HOURS TO MAKE A MOVE

- WAS OKAY BY THEM. - [LAUGHTER]

INGENIOUS.

WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL, I WAS IN THE FRENCH CLUB.

WE DIDN'T REALLY DO ANYTHING.EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE,

WE'D SURRENDER TO THE GERMAN CLUB.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL IT WAS BEFORE POLITICAL CORRECTNESS.

OUR SCHOOL NICKNAME, WE WERE THE FIGHTING INDIANS.

WE HAD A KID DRESSED UPLIKE AN ACTUAL INDIAN

WHO USED TO DANCE AROUND THE FIELD BEFORE EVERY GAME.

ALL OUR GAMES WERE RAINED OUT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

MY NEPHEW'S IN HIGH SCHOOL NOW.

HE'S PART OF THE ABSTINENCE SOCIETY

WHERE A GROUP OF STUDENTS HAVE PLEDGED TO MAINTAIN

THEIR VIRGINITY.WE HAD SOMETHING SIMILARIN MY HIGH SCHOOL.

- IT'S CALLED THE MATH CLUB. - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THOSE GUYS ARESTILL HANGING IN THERE.

THERE'S ALL THESE STORIES IN THE NEWS NOW ABOUT THESE

HOT TEACHERS HAVING SEX WITHTHESE MALE HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS.

WHEN DID THIS START? THE GOOD NEWS IS AFTER SEEING THESE STORIES,

MY BROTHER'S DECIDED TO GO BACK AND GET HIS DEGREE.

- [LAUGHTER] - SO I'M VERY HAPPY.

YOU TAKE THE SAT'SWHEN YOU WERE IN SCHOOL?

Audience: YES.

I GOT CAUGHT CHEATING ON THE SAT'S.IT WAS SO STUPID.

I HAD WRITTEN ONE OF THE ANSWERS DOWN ON MY HAND.

- THE LETTER "B." - [LAUGHTER]

I GET TO ONE I DON'T KNOW.

- "B." - [LAUGHTER]

- "B" AGAIN.- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

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