Uncensored - Kumail Nanjiani - House of Betas Pt. 3

Kumail Nanjiani: Beta Male Season 1, Ep 101 07/20/2013 Views: 6,260

Kumail Nanjiani prepares for battle with whatever is in his attic. (1:13)

Watch Full Episode

And then, I'm like,

if there is somebody up there

he's up there,he's just hanging out,

regular floor for him,and then a thing opens,

and just my headpops up.

Very vulnerable positionfor me.

He's just goingto Whac-A-Mole me on the head

with a baseball bat,

and I'm gonna die.

This is how I die.

So my roommates are like,"We have to find you a helmet."

House of betas,we don't have a helmet.

So I go into the kitchen,and I get a cooking pot,

and I put thaton my head.

None of this is lies.

I put a fucking cooking poton my head,

but it comes down to here,so I can't see anything.

So then I gota colander instead,

and I put thaton my head.

Which, if somebodybaseball bats me on the head

with a colander,I'm still going to die.

My roommates just haveto buy a new colander

or feel really horrible anytimethey make pasta, you know?

"Isn't this the colanderthat Kumail died in?"

That's a very strange sentenceto say out loud.

"Isn't this the colanderthat Kumail died in?"