DL Hughley - Neighborhood Stories - Uncensored

Wonder Years 03/05/2015 Views: 3,034

DL Hughley explains how growing up in Los Angeles shaped the way he sees the world. (5:45)

Let him hear it.[cheers and applause]

(D.L.)So I grew up in this city.

I grew up on 135th and Avalon,

a neighborhood called the Fives,and it was all black.

And everywherewe went was black.

Like, we would get onthe freeway and drive,

and it'd be all black people.

So I remember that's whatI thought Los Angeles was.

So I remember we would alwayswatch The Price Is Right,

and white people would get onand say, "We live in L.A."

And I go, "I never sawyou mother[bleep].

Where are they at?"

So years later,I would go to Westwood,

and it says, "Now enteringWest Los Angeles."

And I went, "This is wherethey keep them.

"This is where they stay.

No wonder I never saw them."

I learned everythingin my neighborhood.

We had bullies,and back then,

if you had a problemwith a bully,

my father--or a lot of fathers--

made sureyou had to go fight them.

That was the deal.

You had to fightto face your fear.

And I remember my fathertelling me--

he said, "A bully's a coward.

"If you stand up to a bully,and you punch him in his face,

like the coward he is,he'll run away."

And this dude named Clifford

used to take my lunch moneyall the time.

And one day, I was so hungry

that I said I wasn't gonnagive my lunch money up,

and I rememberedwhat my father said.

And I stood to him,and I looked him in his face,

and I punched himdead in his face,

and he beat the [bleep]out of me.

And...[laughter]

From that point on,I knew my father didn't know

what the [bleep]he was talking about.

But it taught me everything--

almost everything peopledeal with.

Like, I actually grew upnext to a pedophile.

We didn't know what he was.

We didn't knowwhat they called it.

But my father used toalways say,

"Don't you ever let me catch youover at this man's house."

And little boys--this is a true story--

would leave this man's house,and they would be crying,

and they would have candyin their hands.

And they would go,"You want some candy?"

I'm like, "No, mother[bleep].Not that bad.

"If candy can make you cry,

you can keep that shit,'cause..."

[chuckles]

"Booty for Skittlesain't a deal for me.

I'm..."

It was just thatthe way I grew up

taught me a lot about life.

I remember learning about sex--

which is the wrong placeto learn about sex,

is the neighborhood.

I kissed this girlwhen I was in third grade.

Her name was Michelle.

And I told this dudenamed Junior--

I said, "Man,I kissed this girl Michelle".

He said,"Did you use your tongue?"

I said, "Yes."He said, "She's pregnant."

[laughter]

And I go home crying'cause I got to get a job

to take care of a baby.

And I remember,I'm waiting for my father.

I was so scaredto tell my father.

And when he came home, I said,"Daddy, I got to talk to you."

He said, "What's wrong?"

I said, "I kissed Michellewith my tongue,

"and now she's pregnant,and I got to get a job,

"and I don't even havemy own room,

and is she gonna sleep in herewith me?"

And he laughed,

but he never talked to meabout sex.

So later on, I'm growing upin the neighborhood.

I eventually had sex.

I got crabs.

I'm not the only oneit happened to.

Don't act like it's just me.

Same dude, Junior,I go to him.

I said, "Man,I got some bugs down there."

This dumb son of a bitch said,

"Spray some Raid on your nuts."

[laughter]

And I actually did it

and had to go toMartin Luther King Hospital

where they treated me, 'causeI could've poisoned myself.

But I rememberall the lessons I learned

taught me how to look atthe world.

I remember the first timeI ever got called "nigger,"

the first timeit ever happened.

Now, I'd heard it all my life.

I'd heard my parents say it.

You know,"This nigger's crazy."

But never directed at anybodywith any sense of malice.

So when we were inthe fifth grade,

we went on a field tripto Olvera Street,

which is in Los Angeles.

It's the oldest streetin the world.

And we would buy maracasand candy,

and we'd be playing around.

So me and my friend Donald--I wanted some ice cream.

So I walked into the store,and I said,

"Hey, man,can I have some ice cream?

He said,"We don't serve niggers."

I said, "Well, thendo you have strawberry?"

[laughter]

'Cause I had no idea--'cause--[chuckles]

'Cause we used to havethese nuts on our table,

and they were Brazilian nuts,

and they called them"nigger toes."

And that's all I--he said--

And Donald looked at me.

He said,"He's talking about us."

And I said,"They make ice cream out of us?"

And he said, "No, he's talkingabout black people."

And I remember being very upset,and I went home to my mother,

and I went home to my father,

and I told them that somebodyhad called me "nigger."

And my mother said to mesomething I'll never forget,

and it really, honestly shapedthe way I see the world.

She said,"So what did he call you?"

And I said,"He called me a nigger."

She said, "Are you that?"

I said,"I don't know what it is."

She said,"How could you be afraid

"to be something you're not--

you don't have no conceptof what it is?"

She said, "You're onlywhat you answer to."

And that's the way I grew up,

and that's the wayI see the world.

Thank y'all for coming out.I appreciate it.

[cheers and applause]