David Spade - Talent Show Injury Pt. 1

David Spade: My Fake Problems Season 1, Ep 101 05/04/2014 Views: 6,143

While backstage before his high school talent show, David Spade practices an important move without a spotter. (2:07)

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I HAVE A FRIEND THAT'S APILL POPPER.

ACTUALLY, I HAVE FOUR.

I HAVE FOUR FRIENDSTHAT THEY ONLY WANT PILLS

ALL THE TIME.

IT'S SO FUNNY.YOU HAVE A GUY LIKE THIS?

WHENEVER I TAKE ANY PILL,HE GOES, "DUDE, GIVE ME ONE."

I GO, "YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHATIT IS."

HE GOES, "DUDE, I'M MARRIED.COME ON."

I GO, "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?"

I GO, "THIS ISFOR SINUS INFECTION.

IT CAUSES DIZZINESSAND CRAMPS."

HE GOES, "DUDE, I GOT KIDS.HELP ME.

I JUST WANT TO FEEL DIFFERENT.ANYTHING."

SO I GIVE HIM ONE.I SEE HIM LATER.

HE'S CRAMPED OVER.HE'S LIKE...

[grunts]

"THANKS."

HE DOESN'T CARE.

HE'S HAPPY.

I HURT MY NECK IN HIGH SCHOOL,AND THIS IS WHY SOMETIMES,

IF YOU SEE ME ON ELLEN OR SOMETHING,

I'M SITTING KIND OF FUNNY,OR I SIT ON MY KNEES.

I JUST CANNOT SIT ON A COUCH.

IT KILLS ME.

I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOLIN A TALENT SHOW--

POW--WHEN I WAS A KID,YOU KNOW,

LIKE, I WAS A SENIOR.

SENIORITIS.

AND I DID THIS TALENT SHOW,

AND I DID A DANCE NUMBERTO MACHO MAN.

AND AT THE ENDOF THE DANCE NUMBER,

I WOULD DO A BACKFLIP,A STANDING BACKFLIP.

AND I COULD DO IT 'CAUSE I WASIN GYMNASTICS.

AND THERE'S A FEW RED FLAGSIN THIS STORY,

BUT WE'RE NOT GONNA FOCUSON THAT.

WE'RE JUST GONNA SORT OF SKIMOVER THE TOP.

SO I'M BACKSTAGE AT THE SHOW,

AT THE TALENT SHOW,AND IT WAS HELD, LIKE,

IN A PLACE LIKE THIS,IN THE "CAFETORIUM,"

WHERE WE HAD OUR MAJOR [bleep],YOU KNOW, AT THE SCHOOL.

AND MY BUDDY WAS IN HIS KARATEGI, ALSO IN MACHO MAN.

AND I GO, "HEY, SPOT ME DURINGMY BACKFLIP,

'CAUSE I'M GONNA PRACTICE."

AND THEN I GO, "YOU KNOW WHAT?

DON'T SPOT ME.I HAVE TO DO IT IN AN HOUR."

SO HIS JOB IS NOTHING.JUST WATCH THE DISASTER UNFOLD.

SO I GO LIKE THIS...

"HI!"

AND I'M SUPPOSED TO LANDLIKE THIS,

BUT I CAME OUT OF MY TUCK--LINGO--A LITTLE EARLY.

AND I MISSED MY FEET.

SO I WENT, "OOF!"FALL ON MY FACE.

SO I BOUNCE UP, AND I'M LIKE,"UGH!" SQUIRTING BLOOD.

BLACK PAINT FROM THE STAGE.

AND I GET UP, AND THE GUY GOES,"ARE YOU OKAY?"

I GO, "NOT AT ALL,"AND I WALK AWAY.

ONE KNEE, BLACKOUT.