Michael Che - Afraid to Get Married

Michael Che Season 3, Ep 2 06/06/2014 Views: 27,191

Michael Che thinks that the arguments people make against gay marriage are pretty stupid. (2:11)

People get weirdabout gay marriage.

I don't know what you...I don't care.

Do whatever you want. Do it.I'm not gonna do it. Do it.

I'm afraid to get married.

I still thinkI might be rich someday.


(chuckles)Whenever rich dudes propose,I feel like they're saying,

"Hey, I bet you half my shitI'll never cheat on you."

That's what happensto rich people--

they lose half their shit.

I watch SportsCenter.

Kobe Bryant'sworth $150 million.

His wife was gonna leave himin a divorce,

take $75 million away

because she hadto raise the kids by herself.

For $75 million?

I would've raised Kobe's kidsfor half that shit.

I don't even know them.

I would've breastfed 'emand everything, man.

I would've been a great mom.

Michael Jordan,greatest athlete of all time,

he lost $200 millionin a divorce.

Then got remarried.

That's how competitiveMichael Jordan is.

He lost $200 million, and said,

"You know what,double or nothing."


What are you afraid of?What do you think's gonna happen

if gay dudes get married?What do you care?

I had a dude tell 'em,

"You can't let gay dudesget married. What's next?

People gonna wantto marry animals?"

I was like, "Is that whatyou're worried about?"

Yes, probably.And who gives a shit? I don't.

I eat animals.If you want to (bleep) one,

that's your business.

I'm pretty sureI'm doing the worst thing to it.


Well, if I was a goatand you asked me,

if you were like...(chuckles)

(chuckles)if you were like, "Hey, goat,

"would you rather be chopped upin this Caribbean lady's stew

or get blownby this strange farmer?"

(chuckles)it wouldn't bethe toughest decision

I made as a goat that day.