Christopher Titus - Killing Your Spouse

Christopher Titus: The 5th Annual End of the World Tour Season 1, Ep 101 03/17/2007 Views: 21,197

Christopher Titus's wife has thought about killing him -- a lot. (1:23)

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AND THEY GAVE HERANOTHER TELEVISION SHOW.

WHAT'S NEXT,THE SCOTT PETERSON FISHING HOUR?

[LAUGHTER, OH'S AND APPLAUSE]

[CHEERS, WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

END OF THE WORLD.THE HUSBAND'S AND WIVESKILLING EACH OTHER?

MY GOD, IT'S HAPPENING ALL THE TIME.

AND I GET IT. WE'VE ALL BEEN INLONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS.

AND WE'VE ALL THOUGHT ABOUT KILLING THE OTHER PERSON.

JUST FOR A SECOND HE WAS ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF YOU

AND YOU WERE LIKE, "AWWW! AWWW!

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

NO, I'M FINE, GO AHEAD."

I KNOW ME.MY WIFE'S THOUGHT ABOUTKILLING ME A LOT.

BUT SHE ALWAYSTURNS THE CAR AROUND AND

TAKES THE SHOVELS AND PLASTIC SHEETING BACK TO HOME DEPOT.

WHO AMONGST US CAN SAY THEY HAVE NOT BOUGHT THE CONCRETE TO WEIGH DOWN THE BODY? WHO?

BUT YOU DIDN'T USE IT. YOU WENT HOME, YOU CALMED DOWN.

- YOU FIXED THE DRIVEWAY. - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND HERE'S WHY I BRING IT UP 'CAUSE THE VIPER MEDIA JUST

GRABS ONTO ANYTHING THAT'S STUPID AND THEY JUST

BEAT US TO DEATH WITH IT. AND THE THING IS YOU'RE JUST

WATCHING TV BUT YOUR KIDS ARE SITTING THERE WITH YOU, YOUR NIECES AND NEPHEWS.

AND AT THE END OF THE PETERSON TRIAL,

MY DAUGHTER TURNS TO ME AND SHE GOES,

"DADDY, ARE YOU GONNA KILL MOMMY?" I SAID, "HONEY,

- THAT'S UP TO MOMMY, ISN'T IT?" - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]