Uncensored - Louis C.K. - Function Only

Louis C.K.: Hilarious Season 1, Ep 101 01/09/2011 Views: 89,894

There is no way Louis C.K. could have known that he should've maintained his body at presentation condition. (1:56)

SO IF YOUR FRIEND GOT DIVORCED,IT MEANS THINGS WERE BAD, AND

NOW THEY'RE BETTER.

THEY'RE NOT "GOOD."

LIFE IS SHIT WALL-TO-WALL, BUTTHEY'RE BETTER.

SO YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY.

BUT THE PART THAT'S DIFFICULT ISBEING SINGLE AT 41 AFTER TEN

YEARS OF MARRIAGE AND TWO KIDS.

THAT'S LIKE HAVING A BUNCH OFMONEY IN THE CURRENCY OF A

COUNTRY THAT DOESN'T EXISTANYMORE, LIKE I FOUND 500

MILLION PRUSSIAN FRANCS.

I CAN'T REALLY TAKE ADVANTAGE OFBEING SINGLE, BECAUSE I DIDN'T

EXPECT TO BE SINGLE.

I'M NOT PREPARED.

I DIDN'T THINK I'D EVERBE SINGLE.

I DIDN'T KEEP THIS SHIT UP.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

I DIDN'T MAINTAIN ANY OF THIS ATPRESENTATION CONDITION.

IT'S "FUNCTION ONLY."

IT WAS NOT--I DIDN'T THINK IWOULD NEED IT THAT WAY.

I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA BE SHOVINGIT INTO THE SAME PERSON EVERY

THREE MONTHS TILL ONEOF US DIED.

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT WAS THENATURE OF THE DEPLOYMENT

FOR THIS.

I DIDN'T THINK IT HAD TO BE,LIKE, APPEALING TO SOMEONE

FROM SCRATCH.

IT'S LIKE HAVING A '73DODGE DART IN YOUR BACKYARD.

AND IT'S BEEN SITTING BACK THEREWITH GRASS GROWING.

YOU DON'T HAVE ANY--IT'S NOT AOLD MUSTANG.

YOU HAVE NO PLANS TO RESTORETHAT DART.

YOU DON'T EVEN SEE IT WHEN YOULOOK OUT THE WINDOW.

AND NOW YOU FIND OUT THAT'S YOURONLY WAY TO WORK.

YOU NEED THAT CAR NOW.

AND YOU'RE LIKE, "OH, SHIT.

IT'S GOT BEES IN IT.

I DIDN'T TAKE CARE OF IT.

IT'S FULL OF BEES.

THERE'S A FAMILY OF MICE LIVINGIN THE TAILPIPE.

I CAN'T TAKE THAT TO WORK."