Hugh Fink - Long Story Short

  • Season 2 , Ep 6
  • 06/25/1999
  • Views: 2,457

Sometimes people make long stories too short. (1:53)

DIFFERENT EXPRESSIONS.

I WENT INTO A BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO.

I SAID, "HI. I'M LOOKING FORA JEAN CLAUDE VAN DAMME MOVIE."

"OH, WHY DON'T YOU CHECKTHE ASS WHIPPIN' SECTION."

( laughter )

BUT I WILL SAY THIS--

I THINK OF ALL STATESIN THE UNION

TEXANS ARE THE FRIENDLIEST.

THEY ARE REALLY GIVING PEOPLE.

IN FACT, TEXANS HAVEA VERY SIMPLE PHILOSOPHY

THAT SOLVE ALL SOCIAL PROBLEMS--

WHICH IS, "WELL,DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

"WE'LL TAKE YOU TO A TITTY BAR."

OH, YEAH.

YOU KNOW, IN TEXAS,THAT'S HEALTH CARE.

YOU GO INTO ANY HOSPITALIN THE STATE OF TEXAS--

"I'M SORRY, SIR.

"YOU HAVE A MALIGNANT TUMOR.

"WHAT THE HELL, WE'RE GOINGTO A TITTY BAR.

HOW DOES THAT SOUND?"

I SHOULD KNOW.

I GREW UP IN INDIANA.

I GREW UP IN INDIANAWHERE WE HAVE EXPRESSIONS

LIKE, "TO MAKEA LONG STORY SHORT."

AND I DON'T LIKETHAT EXPRESSION

BECAUSE PEOPLE SHORTENTHE STORY SO MUCH

THAT I DON'T KNOWWHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT.

"WELL, WHEN I WAS 16,I MET THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.

"I MEAN, SHE WAS THE MOSTBEAUTIFUL GIRL I'D EVER SEEN

"AND WE STARTED DATING.

"I TOOK HERTO THE HIGH SCHOOL PROM.

"ANYWAY, TO MAKEA LONG STORY SHORT

SHE HUNG HERSELF."

( laughter )

"I WENT TO THE DENTIST

"AND THERE WASTHIS REALLY CUTE RECEPTIONIST

"AND SHE TOOK ME BACKTO THAT ROOM

"WHERE THEY DOTHE TEETH CLEANING...

ANYWAY, LONG STORY SHORT--PUFF DADDY'S MY UNCLE."

"THERE YOU GO."

NOW SEE, I JUST USED ANOTHEREXPRESSION FROM INDIANA--

"DID YOU ATTEMPTTO KILL THIS MAN?"

"UH, WELL, DID YOU ASK HIM?"

"YEAH, ACCORDING TO HIM,YOU STABBED HIM 11 TIMES."

"WELL, THERE YOU GO."

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