Chuck Watkins - Two Resumes

Season 4, Ep 0408 12/11/2009 Views: 1,107

It's always good to go to job interviews with two resumes: regular and baffling. It makes the process less boring (1:26)

Let's get serious, guys.

I showed up fora job interview the other day,

and I was very excited about it.

Until I got there and I realized

I was, like,the least qualified candidate.

There's no way I'm getting thatjob, and it's happened before.

I know there's zero chanceof me getting the job

I'm about to apply for.

Which is whyI always carry two résumés:

regular and baffling.

Then the game becomes,"How long can you interview

while staying as unhireableas possible?"

'Cause if I'm notleaving with a job,

I'm at least leavingwith a story.


"Well, Mr. Watkins, this isa very impressive résumé.

"It says you scored a perfect800 on the English portion

of your SATs."

"That's true.

"Scored a 150on the math, though.

"So, you addthe two scores together,

"it gives you a total of...

"I have no idea.

What good is math anyway?"

And they say it's importantto have a sense of humor

when interviewing.

So, when they ask methat time-old question,

"What's your greatest strength?"

I said, "These sick-ass biceps."

Wow. Just grab the staplerand start doing curls.

I don't care.

You got nothing to lose.

And they liked that all right,so when they asked,

"What's your greatest weakness?"

I said, "Underaged girls!


"Well, Mr. Watkins, I don't knowif we have a position for you

"right now, teachingat Anderson High School, but...

we'll keep your résumé on file."