Let's get serious, guys.
I showed up fora job interview the other day,
and I was very excited about it.
Until I got there and I realized
I was, like,the least qualified candidate.
There's no way I'm getting thatjob, and it's happened before.
I know there's zero chanceof me getting the job
I'm about to apply for.
Which is whyI always carry two résumés:
regular and baffling.
Then the game becomes,"How long can you interview
while staying as unhireableas possible?"
'Cause if I'm notleaving with a job,
I'm at least leavingwith a story.
"Well, Mr. Watkins, this isa very impressive résumé.
"It says you scored a perfect800 on the English portion
of your SATs."
"Scored a 150on the math, though.
"So, you addthe two scores together,
"it gives you a total of...
"I have no idea.
What good is math anyway?"
And they say it's importantto have a sense of humor
So, when they ask methat time-old question,
"What's your greatest strength?"
I said, "These sick-ass biceps."
Wow. Just grab the staplerand start doing curls.
I don't care.
You got nothing to lose.
And they liked that all right,so when they asked,
"What's your greatest weakness?"
I said, "Underaged girls!
"Well, Mr. Watkins, I don't knowif we have a position for you
"right now, teachingat Anderson High School, but...
we'll keep your résumé on file."