Bobby Lee - Being Asian

  • Season 4 , Ep 0402
  • 10/23/2009
  • Views: 35,860

Racial tolerance only lasts so long with white friends. Before you know it, they're karate-chopping you. (2:44)

MadTV, yeah.People recognize me.

Yeah. People recognize me.

(cheering)

But everybody thinksI'm somebody else.

I always get, "Hey, man, Heroes, right?"

"Heroes. What the...?"

(laughter)

"Hey, dude, Grey's Anatomy."

"That's a chick. What?"

(laughter)

"Hey, dude, Virginia Tech."

"That guy killed himself."

(laughter)

I don't feel well, man.

I had Thai food the other day.

I hate Thai food.

When did fire become a flavor?

(laughter)

Demons eat Thai food and go...

(growling)

Where do Thai people come from,the sun?

I'm at a Thai restaurant.

There are no Thai customers.

It's, like, white peopleand black people.

Where are the Thai people?

The Thais are probablyin the back

eating pizzasand Big Macs, going,

"I can't believethey eat that stuff."

(laughter)

"Oh, my God, his head explode!

Joke on you, white people!"

It's good to be here.

My last girlfriend was white.

Yeah, yeah.

When you're Asian datinga white girl-- it's weird.

The first six months,it's great.

After six months,the girl's become a racist,

'cause they feel comfortable.

In the beginning, it was, like,

"Bobby, I don't carewhat you are.

"I can't even tell you're Asian.

I went to Berkeley."

And, like, six months later,"How's my little panda?"

What the hell?!

(laughter)

I walk in the house,she's, like, "Hi-ya!"

I'm, like, "What are you doing?

My mom's here. No hi-ya."

"No hi-ya?"

I can't cuddle anymore.

Cuddling is boring, ladies.

No guy in this roomlikes cuddling.

We only do it'cause it's a gateway to the

pee-pee poo-pa-pa.

(laughter)

This is every guy's facewhen they're cuddling.

(laughter)

The girls are thinking,"I feel safe."

I'm thinking,"I can't feel my arm!

"Her hair's in my mouth.

"I don't want to move,'cause I want her to fall asleep

so I can play video games."

(laughter)

"Sleep!"

Women will not let you sleep.

They'll wake you upfor no reason.

I was with my girlfriend.

It's 4:00 in the morning.I'm asleep.

She's, like, "Bobby?"

I'm, like, "What?"

She goes, "I love you."

"That's whatyou woke me up for?

You mean, I'm not on fire?"

(laughter)

"Is Al Qaeda in the bathroom?"

(laughter)

The next night, I got her back.

She fell asleep.

I'm, like, "Sweetie?"

"Sweetie?" You know?

She's, like, "What?"

I go, "I love you."She goes, "I love you, too."

I'm, like, "What the hell?!"

Now I have to cuddlefor three hours.

I was, like,"Oh, my God, it backfired!

"Sleep!

I want to watch porn."

(laughter)

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