Nobody knows what to dowith the distributionof hair around the head.
So I always wound up gettingthese hatchet jobs thatI have right now.
I feel like I look likea soldier who is just startingto question the war.
So what were we doing overthere in the first place?
You're being a real asshole.
This is what happenswhen you do a pun with that.
My father and I,back when I was in college...
we engaged a really misguidedattempt at father-son bonding.
We decided, hey, were botha couple of cool cats...
we should smoke someweed together.
So we went on a camping tripand went off for a hike.
We came back and made a campfire and we smoked some weed.
And true story,we got so paranoid...
we'd left the campsiteand stayed in a hotel.
Came back the next morningvery silently...
shamefully put everything away.
The year after that,though, we came back...
and we camped with confidence,because we were on cocaineby then.
I was like speed-organizingfirewood.
My dad skipped a stone 13 timesin a row, I was like...
Do it again! Do it again!
I love camping,we should always be camping.
How come we're alwaysnot camping?
The year after that, we didn'teven make plans to go camping...
we just ran into eachother in the woods.
Stuff will mess upyour life, guys.
When I was a little kid,I'd always be like,"Hey, Dad, I'm bored."
And he'd go, "You're boring."
Shut me right up,every single time.
If anybody in this roomis a parent, take thatlittle gem...
use it with your kid.
Next time they say they'rebored, tell them they're boring.
Cue their firstexistential crisis.
"I am boring.
"How come I'm so boring?
"I should start a fire.
"Nobody will think I'm boringif I start a fire."
In my first five minutes, I haveto say, "Yeah, I know, I'm thatguy from Back to the Future...