Jonah Ray - Feeling Like an Adult

  • Season 2 , Ep 7
  • 05/24/2013
  • Views: 12,329

Jonah Ray cannot believe that people born after 1995 are able to say words and sentences. (2:37)

I don't like it. I don't like...I don't like...

Because I'm old now,I'm 30... I'm 30... I'm not...

Eh, there's not a two anymore.It's a three,

and it looks weird.

I don't like it 'cause I don'tfeel like an adult, you know?

Like, I don't feel like I havean adult body, you know?

Like-like, I was watchinga football game--

I was supportingmy favorite color scheme

and hoping they getall the points--

I was watchinga-a football game.

There's a guy going, "I'm 22."

I was like, "What?!

"But you have a man's body.

Where's my man's body?"

I've been drinking beerand eating burritos,

waiting for it show up--it has not.

(chuckles)I look like I have the bodyof a hairy baby.

I'm an adult. I don't knowhow to dress myself.

All my clothes are too tight.

I... Like, I... It's like...

This-this jacket?Not 'cause I'm cold.

It's because the shirtis ripped in the back.

I have many shirts like that.

And many jackets on a hot day.

Throw 'em out? No.

I-I dress like... the clothesare just too small.

I dress like I wentto a carnival last night

and wished I was big.

I found a boogerin my hair recently.

That's not like... Then, like...There was a booger

from my nose on my head.

In my head on my head,tangled up.

And my first reaction was like,

"I am, um, an adult."(chuckles)

"What are you doing here?"

I'm still scared of the dark.

Is anyone else scaredof the dark?(light applause)

I'm so scared of the dark.

But not for, like,silly childish reasons.

I'm scared of the darkfor practical reasons.

'Cause when it's dark, you know,you can't see anything,

and you can easily tripover something.

Like a m-m-monster.

I was talkingto somebody recently.

I was having a conversationwith somebody.

Words and sentences.

And then I askedhow old they were, what year

they were born in,and the guy said 1995.

No! 1995?!

But you're saying wordsand you're communicating!

You walked over here!I saw it with my eyes.

You're not born in '95!

That's impossible. You were...

It's like...Remember when Kurt Cobain died?

Feels like it was last year.

He couldn't remember itif he tried!

He could do all he could and go,"Mm, can't do it."

It's-it's horrible.

(stutters)I thought we-we all decided,like, after Kurt Cobain died,

I thought we were like, "No morepeople?" "Nah, no more people.

Let's just stop having people'cause humanity is the worst."

And he told me about his...thoughts and opinions

like he had any.It was ridiculous.

You don't know anything.You're dumb. You'll see.

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