Eliot Chang - Considerate Freak

  • Season 14 , Ep 19
  • 01/11/2010
  • Views: 38,181

Eliot Chang feels bad when his loud sex noises intrude on other people's lives. (3:05)

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

YEAH.

I'M -- I'M GLAD SOMEONESTARTED THAT [BLEEP]

AND LET ME JUST SAY THIS.

DURING SEX, I LIKE TO MAKEA LOT OF NOISE, RIGHT?

I DON'T MAKE SOUNDS.I MAKE NOISE.

THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.I'M NOT LIKE, "UHH, UHH."

I'M LIKE, "AAAAHHH!FREAKING 'A,' YEAH!

THIS IS GOOD!"

I SAY CRAZY [BLEEP]"THIS IS SPARTA!"

[ LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE ]

'CAUSE I'M NOT AFRAIDTO EXPRESS MY LOVE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW, LUCKILY,MOST OF MY GIRLFRIENDS

ALSO MADE A LOT OF NOISE,

WHICH WAS GOOD, 'CAUSE YOU NEVERWANT THAT CONTRAST.

GUYS, YOU NEVER WANT TO BE LIKE,"AAAHHH!"

AND THEN SHE'S LIKE,"MM-HMM.

GOOD JOB. KUDOS."

YOU WANT TO BE IN SYNC,

WHERE IT'S LIKE, "UHHH!" "AHHH!""UHHH!" "AHHH!"

YOU'RE HIGH-FIVING, LIKE,"YEAH! YOU AND ME.

"THERE IS NO 'I' IN 'TEAM,'MOTHER[BLEEP] YEAH!

WE'RE GOING TO NATIONALS."

ALL RIGHT.[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW, HERE'S MY DILEMMA.

I LIVE IN THE CENTEROF MY FLOOR,

IN THE CENTER OF MY BUILDING,

AND I HAVE NEIGHBORS ON ALL --

SO I'M SURROUNDED,

AND THEY HAVE TO HEAR US.

THERE IS NO WAYTHEY DON'T HEAR US.

YOU KNOW HOW I KNOWTHEY HEAR US?

'CAUSE WHEN I BUMP INTO THEMIN THE HALLWAY,

THEY TRY TO ACTLIKE THEY DIDN'T HEAR US.

LIKE, "OH, NO,I DIDN'T YOU HEAR YOU

"STICK IT IN HER [BLEEP]NO.

"I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU DIDAT 2:45 A.M...TWICE.

I CLEARLY DON'T KNOW."

I JUST LOOK AT THEM LIKE,"SORRY,"

'CAUSE -- 'CAUSE I FEEL BAD.

I DO.

LIKE, I FEEL BAD THAT MY LIFEINTRUDES ON OTHER PEOPLE,

'CAUSE I MIGHT BE A FREAK,

BUT I'M A CONSIDERATE FREAK.

I AM.

IF I CHECK INTO A HOTELWITH A GIRL,

I ALWAYS TRY TO GET THE ROOMON THE BOTTOM FLOOR,

JUST SO NO ONE BENEATH ME

HAS TO HEAR THE SOUNDS OF[ IMITATES SQUEAKING ]

ALL RIGHT, SO --

SO, I'M THINKING, LIKE,WELL, YOU KNOW, THERE'S --

THERE'S NO WAYI'M NOT GONNA MAKE NOISE,

AND WE'RE NOT GONNA HAVE SEXAT THE SAME TIME,

'CAUSE WE'LL HAVETO FILL OUT TIME SHEETS

AND CHECK BOXES, YOU KNOW?

THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

SO I'M THINKING, LIKE,WELL, IF I'M GONNA MAKE NOISE,

MAYBE I CAN MAKE NOISETHAT'S CONSTRUCTIVE.

MAYBE I COULD MAKE NOISETHEY COULD BENEFIT FROM,

SO THE NEXT TIME I'M HAVING SEX,

I'M LIKE, "UHHH,TOMORROW'S FORECAST --

"MOSTLY SUNNY,

"60% CHANCE OF RAIN!

BRING AN UMBRELLA!"

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

SO THE NEXT TIME I SEETHE NEIGHBOR IN THE HALLWAY,

SHE'S GOT AN UMBRELLA,

I'M LIKE,"HA HA! YOU'RE WELCOME!"

HEY, GUYS,MY NAME IS ELIOT CHANG.

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