Patrice O'Neal: I'M ONE OF
THESE DUDES, MAN, I DON'T CARE
THAT MUCH ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE.
I GOTTA SOFT SPOT IN MY HEART
FOR ANIMALS.
I'M ONE OF THEM DUDES, MAN.
I SEE A DOG.
I'M LIKE, "OH, A DOG WITHOUT
A HOME."
AND I'LL BE LIKE, "OH, DOGGIE."
DUDE, HOMELESS DUDE.
I'M, YOU KNOW.
(LAUGHTER)
I'LL KICK 'EM.
I MIGHT GIVE HIM MONEY, BUT I'LL
TRIP HIM OR SOMETHING.
IT'S FUNNY.
I DON'T LIKE TO SEE HOMELESS
DUDES WITH DOGS.
I DON'T LIKE THAT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
I GIVE HIM THE MONEY.
I BE LIKE, "YOU BETTER--
THAT'S FOR YOUR DOG.
AND I'M TELLING YOU, MAN,
YOU BETTER FEED YOUR DOG, MAN.
I'M TELLING YOU.
IT'S NOT FOR YOU, MAN.
I DON'T CARE IF YOU DIE, MAN.
YOU BETTER--
MATTER OF FACT, I'M GONNA WATCH
YOUR DOG.
YOU KNOW, GO--"
I LOVE ANIMALS, MAN.
HOW CAN YOU JUST DO SOMETHING
WRONG TO-- YOU KNOW?
THAT'S WHY SOME OF THESE
COUNTRIES, MAN, THE FOOD THEY
EAT.
KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
I'M GONNA SAY CHINA, BUT I DON'T
MEAN CHINA.
I JUST MEAN LIKE COUNTRIES
THAT CHINESE PEOPLE COME FROM.
LIKE--
(LAUGHTER)
WHATEVER.
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
YOU KNOW THEY EAT OUR PETS, MAN.
YOU KNOW?
THAT'S WHAT THEY EAT.
OUR PETS.
THE THINGS WE LOVE.
(KISSING SOUNDS)
THEY EAT.
(LAUGHTER)
HOW CAN YOU EAT A PUPPY, MAN?
I'D BE SKINNY IF I HAD TO KILL
MY OWN FOOD, MAN.
I'M REALLY GLAD MY FOOD COMES
MURDERED FOR ME.
IF I HAD TO SHOOT A COW
IN THE FACE FOR MY HAMBURGER,
YOU KNOW, YOU STICK A GUN--
YOU KNOW HOW DEAD YOU ARE,
COW (BLEEP)?
I MEAN I'M READY TO EAT A--
AND THE COW'S JUST LOOKING
AT ME.
YOU'D BE LIKE, "DAMN, I CAN'T
KILL THE COW."
I COULD KILL FISH, THOUGH,
'CAUSE FISH DON'T HAVE ANY
EYEBROWS.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
WE DO A LOT OF STUFF TO FISH
THAT AIN'T RIGHT, 'CAUSE AS SOON
AS YOU CATCH IT IT'S SUFFOCATING
BUT THE EYES DON'T--
SO IT DON'T--
SO IT CAN'T SCREAM, YOU KNOW.
SO, YOU JUST WANNA HURT A FISH.
THAT'S THE SAME FOR A DUDE.
IF YOU WERE STABBING A DUDE,
AND HE JUST WAS STANDING THERE
NOT BLINKING AND--
AND NOT SAYING--
BUT HE CAN'T BREATH AND HIS EYES
AIN'T--
AND HE JUST--
(LAUGHTER)
WELL, HE REALLY DYIN'.
YOU LIKE, "YOU BETTER BLINK!"
(LAUGHTER)
YOU KILL HIM.
SO, POOR FISH.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
AH, I JUST STARTED REALIZING