Patrice O'Neal - Killing Food

  • Season 7 , Ep 10
  • 04/10/2003
  • Views: 10,226

Patrice O'Neal could kill a fish because it doesn't have eyebrows. (2:25)

Patrice O'Neal: I'M ONE OF

THESE DUDES, MAN, I DON'T CARE

THAT MUCH ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE.

I GOTTA SOFT SPOT IN MY HEART

FOR ANIMALS.

I'M ONE OF THEM DUDES, MAN.

I SEE A DOG.

I'M LIKE, "OH, A DOG WITHOUT

A HOME."

AND I'LL BE LIKE, "OH, DOGGIE."

DUDE, HOMELESS DUDE.

I'M, YOU KNOW.

(LAUGHTER)

I'LL KICK 'EM.

I MIGHT GIVE HIM MONEY, BUT I'LL

TRIP HIM OR SOMETHING.

IT'S FUNNY.

I DON'T LIKE TO SEE HOMELESS

DUDES WITH DOGS.

I DON'T LIKE THAT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I GIVE HIM THE MONEY.

I BE LIKE, "YOU BETTER--

THAT'S FOR YOUR DOG.

AND I'M TELLING YOU, MAN,

YOU BETTER FEED YOUR DOG, MAN.

I'M TELLING YOU.

IT'S NOT FOR YOU, MAN.

I DON'T CARE IF YOU DIE, MAN.

YOU BETTER--

MATTER OF FACT, I'M GONNA WATCH

YOUR DOG.

YOU KNOW, GO--"

I LOVE ANIMALS, MAN.

HOW CAN YOU JUST DO SOMETHING

WRONG TO-- YOU KNOW?

THAT'S WHY SOME OF THESE

COUNTRIES, MAN, THE FOOD THEY

EAT.

KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

I'M GONNA SAY CHINA, BUT I DON'T

MEAN CHINA.

I JUST MEAN LIKE COUNTRIES

THAT CHINESE PEOPLE COME FROM.

LIKE--

(LAUGHTER)

WHATEVER.

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

YOU KNOW THEY EAT OUR PETS, MAN.

YOU KNOW?

THAT'S WHAT THEY EAT.

OUR PETS.

THE THINGS WE LOVE.

(KISSING SOUNDS)

THEY EAT.

(LAUGHTER)

HOW CAN YOU EAT A PUPPY, MAN?

I'D BE SKINNY IF I HAD TO KILL

MY OWN FOOD, MAN.

I'M REALLY GLAD MY FOOD COMES

MURDERED FOR ME.

IF I HAD TO SHOOT A COW

IN THE FACE FOR MY HAMBURGER,

YOU KNOW, YOU STICK A GUN--

YOU KNOW HOW DEAD YOU ARE,

COW (BLEEP)?

I MEAN I'M READY TO EAT A--

AND THE COW'S JUST LOOKING

AT ME.

YOU'D BE LIKE, "DAMN, I CAN'T

KILL THE COW."

I COULD KILL FISH, THOUGH,

'CAUSE FISH DON'T HAVE ANY

EYEBROWS.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

WE DO A LOT OF STUFF TO FISH

THAT AIN'T RIGHT, 'CAUSE AS SOON

AS YOU CATCH IT IT'S SUFFOCATING

BUT THE EYES DON'T--

SO IT DON'T--

SO IT CAN'T SCREAM, YOU KNOW.

SO, YOU JUST WANNA HURT A FISH.

THAT'S THE SAME FOR A DUDE.

IF YOU WERE STABBING A DUDE,

AND HE JUST WAS STANDING THERE

NOT BLINKING AND--

AND NOT SAYING--

BUT HE CAN'T BREATH AND HIS EYES

AIN'T--

AND HE JUST--

(LAUGHTER)

WELL, HE REALLY DYIN'.

YOU LIKE, "YOU BETTER BLINK!"

(LAUGHTER)

YOU KILL HIM.

SO, POOR FISH.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

AH, I JUST STARTED REALIZING

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