because I got flatteredfor a second,
because that'spremeditated behavior.
That's--you knowthat you're gonna do that.
You don't just, like,start on a plane,
like, taking off, like,
"You feel like having a screw?
"Yeah?All right. Good.
Good, good.Here we go."
You know,you're at least at the gate
making the eyes,like, "You know.
"You know.You know.
We go up, and thenwe get down."
So that means they walked on
the planewith that knowledge already,
meaning they had to go by me
and put a judgment on me.
They had to walk byand silently be like,
"I bet he's cool with it."
So that got me.That flattered me.
I'm like, "I'm a cool guy.I am a cool guy.
I don't want you to thinkI'm not a cool guy."
But I just realizedthat I'm not on this Earth
to be a goalie.
I'm not hereto stop somebody
from accomplishingtheir goals.
If you're not hurting anybody,
I'm here to either assistor get out of the way.
That's really all it is.
That's reallyhow it should be.
[cheers and applause]
They're not hurting anybody.They're doing the opposite.
Very aggressively,but they're doing the opposite.
So I've realized, like,listen--like, listen,
I'm gonna put my own theoriesto the test.
I'm gonna let them dowhat they need to do.
I'm gonna be a cool guyabout this.
But because I'm gonna let themdo what they have to do,
I'm gonna dowhat I have to do,
which, in this situation,is get wildly drunk
and watch the [bleep]out of this.
Not like an old-time spy,you know,
like, newspaperand fedora.
No. Tray table down,elbow posted up,
like I'm watchinga chess match.
So I was like, "Ooh,you're gonna move the rook?
What--ooh, Bobby Fischer'sback in town!"
I decide I'm going to procuremy own beverages.
This process startswith a blanket statement
I make to the entire cabinof, "I'm gonna go to the bar."
if you wanna knowhow you can tell
if you've been over-servedon an airplane,
start with a blanket statementto everyone.
And in that statement,
include a part of the aircraftthat doesn't exist.
"The bar." I may as wellhave been like,
"I'm gonna take a dipin the hot tub."