Rob Riggle - Riff Raff Airlines

  • Season 14 , Ep 5
  • 01/11/2010
  • Views: 33,741

Rob Riggle encounters Long Island riff raff on a flight from New York to Las Vegas. (2:36)

I RECENTLY FLEW FROM LaGUARDIATO VEGAS,

AND I WAS HUNG OVER.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ Chuckling ] HUNG OVER.

STOP.BACK UP, RIGGLE.

HOLD ON.

YOU'RE GOING TO VEGAS,AND YOU'RE HUNG OVER?

THAT'S RIGHT.

THAT'S HOW I ROLL.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SO, IT'S A FLIGHT TO VEGAS,AND, YOU KNOW, IT'S AWESOME.

I GOT A WINDOW SEAT.

I FIGURE I'M GONNA GET ONTHE PLANE, I'LL RACK OUT.

IT'S A 5-HOUR FLIGHT.

WE'LL LAND, I'LL HIT THE STRIP,AND LIGHT THE FUSE AGAIN!

[ LAUGHTER ]

'CAUSE THAT'S HOW I DO.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WASTHINKING, THOUGH, OF COURSE.

THIS IS A FLIGHT FROM LaGUARDIATO VEGAS.

IT SHOULD JUST BE CALLEDRIFFRAFF AIRLINES.

[ LAUGHTER ]

LONG ISLAND RIFFRAFF ISA SPECIAL BRAND OF RIFFRAFF...

[ LAUGHTER ]

...UNLIKE ANY OTHER RIFFRAFFIN AMERICA.

PENICILLIN CAN'T TOUCHLONG ISLAND RIFFRAFF.

AND I-I HEARD THEMBEFORE I SAW THEM.

DOES THAT TELL YOUWHAT I'M DEALING WITH?

I HEARD THEM BEFORE I SAW THEM.

I'M IN MY SEAT.

ON THE JETWAY, I HEAR THE -- THEUNMISTAKABLE, INCOHERENT BLATHER

THAT IS LONG ISLAND-SPEAK.

AS ABOUT EIGHT OF THEMCAME DOWN, THEY'RE LIKE

[Long Island accent] "HEY, YEAH,WITH THE BOTTLE AND THE THING!

YEAH, YEAH!"

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW, TO YOU AND I,

THAT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

BUT TO HIS BUDDIES,THEY WERE LIKE

[Long Island accent] "YEAH,WITH THE BOTTLE AND THE THING!

YEAH, YEAH!"

[ LAUGHTER ]

THEY WERE LOVING IT.

SO, I SEE THESE GUYS COMING,AND I'M LIKE, "OH, GOD, PLEASE.

"PLEASE, DON'T LET THEM SITBY ME, AND I'LL LAY OFF THE OLD.

DEAL?"AND GOD WAS LIKE, "NO DICE."

SO, SURE ENOUGH, THEY COME IN.

THREE SIT IN FRONT OF ME,

TWO SIT BESIDE ME,

AND THREE SIT BEHIND ME.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I AM IN A BOX OF STUPIDITY...

[ LAUGHTER ]

...THAT JUST CAN'T BE MEASURED.

AND -- BUT WHEN I SAW THEMCOMING, I WAS LIKE,

"I'M NOT DEALING WITH THIS,"

SO I INSTANTLY FAKEDLIKE I WAS ASLEEP

SO I WOULDN'T HAVE TO ENGAGE.

SO WE BACK OUT,AND WE'RE TAXIING AWAY,

AND THE PILOT COMES ON.

HE'S LIKE,"UH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

"UH...LOOKS LIKE WE GOT A LITTLEBIT OF A PROBLEM OUT HERE.

"I COULD TAKE US BACKTO THE GATE,

"BUT I THINK, AT THATTIME, THEY'LL PROBABLYCANCEL THE FLIGHT,

"SO, UH, I THINK OUR BEST BET ISTO STAY OUT HERE ON THE TARMAC.

"MIGHT TAKE A COUPLE HOURS, BUTI THINK WE'LL GET OUT TONIGHT.

[ LAUGHS ]"

[ LAUGHTER ]

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