Frank Caliendo - John Madden Talk

Allen, Henry, Caliendro, The Chalks Season 3, Ep 0303 12/28/1999 Views: 17,619

John Madden makes Frank feel smart. (1:25)

AND THE REASON I LOVE FOOTBALL'SNOT THE GAME.

I LOVE A CERTAIN PERSON--JOHN MADDEN.

UH, I LOVE JOHN MADDENBECAUSE HE MAKES ME FEEL SMART.

HE DOES, JOHN MADDEN EXPLAINSTHINGS YOU ALREADY KNOW.

HE DOESN'T GIVE YOUNEW INFORMATION.

HE'S JUST SITTING THEREWITH HIS FOX NFL ETCH-A-SKETCH

DRAWING CIRCLES ON GUYS' ASSES,YOU KNOW?

HE TELLS YOU THINGSYOU DON'T NEED TO HEAR.

HE'LL SAY THINGS LIKE

"UH, IF YOUR, IF YOUR,IF YOUR QUARTERBACK, UH, UH

"IF HE THROWS THE BALL,AND A RECEIVER CATCHES IT

"IN THE END ZONE,THEN, THAT, THAT'S GONNA...

THAT, THAT, THAT, THAT'S,THAT'S GONNA BE A TOUCHDOWN."

( laughter and cheering )

EVEN MY MOM, WHO'S NEVER WATCHEDFOOTBALL IN HER ENTIRE LIFE

IS LIKE, "NO, DUH."

COUPLE OF YEARS AGO,TROY AIKMAN

FROM THE DALLAS COWBOYS,LOST HIS CONTACT LENSES.

THIS IS WHAT MADDEN SAIDWORD FOR WORD.

"HERE'S A GUY WHO,WHEN HE PUTS HIS CONTACTS IN

HE CAN SEE BETTER."

ANYTHING ELSE,NOSTRADAMUS OF THE END ZONE?

SO MANY COOL VOICESOUT THERE, TOO.

LIKE, SEAN CONNERY'SGOT A COOL VOICE

AND WOMEN LOVE THAT VOICE.

HE COULD MEET A WOMAN ANYWHERE--

A BAR, A TAVERN, A ZOO

PRETTY MUCH ANYWHERETHEY SERVE ALCOHOL.

HE COULD, HE COULD BE,LIKE, AT THE PETTING ZOO.

HE'D BE LIKE, "NICE GOAT."

IF I WAS A FEMALE,AND I WAS LIKE

OH, MY GOD.

MOO!