The Colbert Report

Republicans Choose None of the Above

Season 7 • 07/13/2011

Republicans have their nuts caught in a vise, but Mitch McConnell has a plan to cut them loose.

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06:10

Dan Savage
The Colbert ReportS7

Dan Savage thinks monogamy shouldn't be the ultimate defining characteristic of a successful marriage because fooling around can sometimes save a marriage.
07/12/2011
00:09

Sign Off - Fixing the Boiler
The Colbert ReportS7

Stephen goes under the desk to help Tad with the boiler.
07/12/2011
04:13

Heterosexual Accountability Buddy
The Colbert ReportS7

A therapist at Dr. Marcus Bachmann's Christian counseling firm recommends taking a straight accountability buddy to a same-sex wedding.
07/12/2011
05:40

The Family Leader's Controversial Pledge
The Colbert ReportS7

Michele Bachmann responds to public backlash against the Family Leader pledge's insensitive slavery reference with a sensitive slavery reference.
07/12/2011
03:58

Herman Cain Train
The Colbert ReportS7

In the GOP's all-you-can-eat superstar buffet of white bread and potato candidates, Herman Cain stands out as dessert.
07/12/2011
00:32

Intro - 7/13/11
The Colbert ReportS7

America might have to crash on Canada's couch for a while, the Republican party gets a fresh young face, and David McCullough discusses his book about Americans in Paris.
07/13/2011
04:39

Obama Calls the Republican Bluff
The Colbert ReportS7

Stephen asks Naftali Bendavid if Barack Obama is calling the Republicans' bluff because they've publicly said they're bluffing.
07/13/2011
00:06

Sign Off - Pen Toss
The Colbert ReportS7

Stephen throws and catches a pen.
07/13/2011
03:17

Flagworth 2012
The Colbert ReportS7

Seeing an American flag can shift voters toward republicanism, so Franklin F. Flagworth should be the GOP's frontrunner.
07/13/2011
05:57

David McCullough
The Colbert ReportS7

David McCullough explains why 19th century Americans moved to Paris rather than stay in the states and appreciate American mayonnaise.
07/13/2011
06:24

Republicans Choose None of the Above
The Colbert ReportS7

During debt ceiling negotiations with President Obama, the Republicans practice the old saying, “You scratch my back, I get my back scratched.”
07/13/2011
01:48

May the Best Stephen Colbert Win
The Colbert ReportS7

Stephen's Emmy Award nominations might lead to an Emmy three-way.
07/14/2011
00:34

Intro - 7/14/11
The Colbert ReportS7

Scandal won't bring down Rupert Murdoch, Gitmo detainees get dangerous, and Jose Antonio Vargas admits to being an illegal immigrant.
07/14/2011
05:33

Murdoch's Media Empire Might Go Down the Toilet
The Colbert ReportS7

With News of the World gone and BSkyB out of reach, all Rupert Murdoch has to comfort him are a few media companies.
07/14/2011
00:07

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS7

Stephen says goodnight and runs around.
07/14/2011
02:52

Carmageddon
The Colbert ReportS7

With the temporary closure of the 405 Freeway in Los Angeles, increased traffic on two off-peak days means someone might have to walk someplace.
07/14/2011
06:18

Jose Antonio Vargas
The Colbert ReportS7

Jose Antonio Vargas explains which is more difficult: coming out of the closet as a gay man or as a border gay.
07/14/2011
03:18

Improvised Expressive Devices
The Colbert ReportS7

Gitmo detainees craft a dangerous new weapon behind bars that may shatter our aesthetic paradigm.
07/14/2011
02:31

Epic Blockbuster
The Colbert ReportS7

The final "Harry Potter" and Sarah Palin's documentary would make a great double feature because both movies are about outsiders plucked from obscurity by an old wizard.
07/18/2011
00:32

Intro - 7/18/11
The Colbert ReportS7

Everyone continues to talk about the News Corp. phone-hacking scandal, and John Prendergast discusses the two-week-old nation of South Sudan.
07/18/2011
00:31

Sign Off - Prerecorded Episodes
The Colbert ReportS7

Stephen can't be sure what day it is because he prerecorded all these episodes in a 96-hour meth-fueled news binge.
07/18/2011
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