Uncensored - Christopher Titus - Badass Species

Christopher Titus: Angry Pursuit of Happiness Season 1, Ep 101 05/09/2015 Views: 3,668

Christopher Titus explores the pros and cons of humanity's most incredible innovations. (2:15)

We need a tune up.

We need a tune up man.

And I know I'm makingfun of us right now.

I know I'm makingfun of human beings

right now, becausewe're in a bad place.

But the other sideof us is amazing.

The things we've come upwith, we're incredible.

We're the baddest ass speciesto ever walk this planet man.

That's why we arethe apex predator.

My god!

We survived the ice age,because we used our big brains,

and we invented hot chocolate.

[laughter]

I'm not a scientist.

When the Black Plaguetried to wipe us out--

I'm not talkingabout Civil Rights--

what I'm talkingabout-- is the plague

that swept through Europe.

And I'm not talkingabout the French.

What I'm talking about--but we got smart.

We started coppinginto our sleeves.

You stop wipingboogers on our friends.

We stopped makingcheeseburgers from the dead.

[laughter]

We are the only animal thatthinks about the future.

No other animal thinksabout the future.

We're the only animal thatthinks about the future.

That's it.

That's why we invented vaccines.

No other animal cameup with vaccines.

You don't see thedogs getting together.

Guys, this parvo thingis really jacking us up.

Everybody kick in a T-bonefor a research grant,

I think we'll be cool.

Maybe we could make some moremoney by selling t-shirts.

I know we all hatewearing t-shirts.

And these vaccinesare incredible.

We've eradicated horriblediseases with these vaccines.

And sure, these vaccinesmay or may not cause autism.

But you've got tobreak a few eggs.

[laughter]

We invented airplanes.

That's metal that flies.

And those planes get wherethey're going most of the time,

if they stay out ofRussian airspace.

All right.

I've got another one.

[laughter]

Those planes get where they'regoing most of the time,

if we can locate them.

[laughter]

Yeah.

You do realize that we just kindof forgot about 300 people that

went down in the ocean, right?

Yeah.

We looked aroundfor three months.

But the NFL starteda new season.

Fuck it.We've got to move on.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

We gave it a shot.

We gave it a shot.