#HashtagWars - #DogJobs

Wednesday, June 22, 2016 06/22/2016 Views: 459

Kevin Pereira, Flula Borg and Erica Rhodes dream up careers for dogs in need of employment. (2:27)

-It's time for tonight'sHashtag Wars. -Yes!

(applause and cheering)

This Friday isTake Your Dog to Work Day,

or if you're a veterinarian,going to work.

(laughter)

Man's best friendis also man's best moocher.

But no more!

It is timeto put these freeloading

-goddamn fuzz balls to work!-Yeah!

-Yeah! Yeah!-(applause and cheering)

Like this guy,whose job is sniffing out porn.

Which sounds great.

Since Utah's cracking downon people cranking off,

they're sending inK-9 specialists

who can smell hard drivesand electronics,

which is how authoritiestrack down kiddie porn,

not to be confused with kittyporn, which dogs also hate.

-Aw. -Uh...-(laughter)

BORG:Rrow!

Hey, guys...

What? You don't...

you don't loveFreddie Purr-cury.

-(laughter, groaning)-BORG: Oh! Oh!

Oh.

Uh, so, since our canine friendsare getting careers,

tonight's hashtag is #DogJobs.

Examples might be:barking attendant,

and: best boy.Who's the best boy!

-(laughter)-Uh...

I'm gonna put 60 secondson the clock, and begin.

-Kevin.-Peanut butter remover.

(laughter, applause)

Points.

-Flula Borg.-Secretary of wagriculture.

(laughter, shouts, cheering)

With the tails.With the tails...

and they're... just shaking it.

Uh, Erica.

-Barkiologist.-Yes! Points!

(whooping, applause)

Uh... you mean Indiana Bones?

(audience shouting, jeering)

Uh... Erica.

-Terrierist.-Yes! Points!

(shouting, applause)

-Kevin.-Shih Tzuperintendent.

-Yeah, all right, points.-(laughter)

-Flula Borg.-The reboot of Perfect Strangers

-starring Barki Barktokomous.-Oh, my God.

You know what? They don'tremember Perfect Strangers!

Deep cuts! Deep cuts! Deep cuts!

Points.I remember Perfect Strangers.

Are they just getting thatin Germany now?

Yeah, we just startedtwo years ago.

It's so funny.

(laughter)

-Uh, Erica.-Uh, lick my own ball boy.

-Yes, points.-(laughter)

-Flula.-A professional model

at Abercrombie & Fetch.

-Yes, points! Very good.-(cheering, applause)

Very good. Yeah.