The Very Very Incredible Deal

July 21, 2016 - Alex Wagner 07/21/2016 Views: 174,761

Rosie O'Donnell looks back at billionaire mogul Donald Trump's path to the Republican presidential nomination and examines some of his most infamous deals. (6:48)

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We are live--that is live live--

happening now, live,in Cleveland

with the RepublicanNational Convention.

Now, earlier tonight,before Donald Trump

accepted his party's nomination,delegates viewed a short film

about Trump's life, workand overall fantasticness.

And, uh, realizingthat you may have missed

this important information,we bring it to you now,

um, just slightly editedfor clarity.

ROSIE O'DONNELL: America, are these things happening to you?

REPORTER: Yet another shooting in yet another American city...

REPORTER 2: The Taliban, al-Qaeda, now ISIS on the rise.

REPORTER 3: Really not a controlled situation...

REPORTER 4: ...reach a boiling point...

REPORTER 5: Racial tensions are high...

MAN: The country is a mess.

O'DONNELL: But Americans have always known

how to clean up a mess.

There was the New Deal.

The Fair Deal.

And now it's time for something much better.

I will give you everything.

I will give youwhat you've been looking

for 30, 40, 50 years.

This is the story of our next president...

I know about deal-making.That's what I do.

...and the deal he can get for America.

Donald Trump and the Very, Very Incredible Deal.

Donald Trump was born on Flag Day 1946,

nine months after America's nuking of the Japanese Asians.

Some say the radiation gave Fetal Trump

his Godzilla-sized business acumen

and his Godzilla-sized head-to-hand ratio.

In school, young Donald showed great promise as a negotiator,

settling a dispute with his music teacher

by punching him in the face.

High school was at New York Military Academy,

where Trump naturally stood out

and gained the training he would need in Vietnam.

If he ever went to Vietnam,

which he didn't,

due to a sudden tragic diagnosis of heel spurs,

a condition so debilitating it spread to his brain.


No, Donald would wage his war on a different front.

Now, getting back to dating,right?

-You've never gotten a socialdisease? -It is a dangerous...

It-it is a dangerous worldout there.

-STERN: It is.-TRUMP: It's scary.

It's like Vietnam,sort of like.

It is your personal Vietnam,isn't it?

-It is my personal Vietnam.-It is, you've said that

-many times.-I feel like a great

and very brave soldier.

O'DONNELL: Someone should pin a Purple Heart

on that orange dick.

After business school,

and starting with almost nothing...

My father gave me a small loanof a million dollars.

...he launched a career in real estate

becoming the first Trump to do so

in almost one generation.

Few saw value in 1970's Manhattan,

which at the time was less a city

and more a floating porn and murder barge.

But something about this morally bankrupt smutscape

spoke to Trump,

and so he started making deals.

Turning a town of rundown eyesores

into the home of the country's classiest eyesores.

After defeating New York, it was on to Atlantic City,

where Donald mastered the local game, bigly.

Building hotels in prime locations,

sneaking cash to himself,

all while maintaining a golden reputation.

Oh, sure, he hit a small financial rough spot,

but using only gumption, and lawyers,

Trump quickly rose all the way from bankruptcy,

-(explosion) -to another bankruptcy,

to two more bankruptcies.

It's amazing.

But along the way, Donald Trump would discover

the business he was truly meant for:

Brandy, you're fired.

Fake business.

(audience laughing)

He seemed to have it all.

Money, fame,

and no beliefs to slow him down.

But Trump wouldn't be satisfied

until he could close one final very incredible deal.

In Washington D.C. sat a once great property,

driven into the ground by foreign management.

Everyone thought so.

Trump's next move was inevitable.

I am officially running...

(applause and cheering)

...for Presidentof the United States.


And we are going to makeour country great again.

He would find obstacles along the way.

Smaller-penised rivals,

former wedding guests,

and dishonest media,

unfairly bent on destroying him

by reporting actual things he said.

You've called women you don'tlike "fat pigs,

dogs, slobs,and disgusting animals."

Only Rosie O'Donnell.

O'DONNELL: Okay, you (bleep) piece of (bleep).

I'm going to take your insides and rip them

out of your (bleep) body.

You goddamn human slug.

I swear to Christ, I will step on you.

I will f... okay.

But America's deal maker

would overcome the haters and the losers

with a time-honored real estate strategy:

re-branding his flaws as selling points.

Donald Trump isn't widely loathed,

people are just...

They're jealous as hell.

Hey, he never went bankrupt.

I'm the king of debt.I love debt.

He wasn't an opportunistically

racist, misogynist, xenophobe corrupting

America's long tradition of at least aspiring

to just, like, basic human decency.

I tell it like it is.I tell the truth.

-I mean ro...-Our country needs that.

Our country does... need that.

And now, for a limited time, it can get it.

From the best-selling author...

I wrote The Art of the Deal.

...and the visionary behind Trump Steaks...

Believe me, I understand steaks.

It's my favorite food.

...comes America's chance

to get in on a radical, one-time opportunity--

the Trump presidency.

He'll make America great as only he can.

From construction projects...

TRUMP: I will build a great, great wall.

O'DONNELL: personnel management...

TRUMP: A total and complete shutdown

of Muslims entering the United States.

O'DONNELL: the clear, specific policies

that the Donald Trump deal is all about.

We're gonna do lotsof good things with education.

Replace Obamacarewith something so much better.

The greatest trade dealsanyone's ever made.

O'DONNELL: So, walk, run,

weirdly descend an escalator, because

the very, very incredible deal is a limited time offer.

Because later is too late.

Going to be too latefor our country.

O'DONNELL: The very, very incredible deal.

Don't worry about it.You're gonna be very happy.