Mike DeStefano - Not a Choice

  • Season 14 , Ep 20
  • 01/11/2010
  • Views: 4,912

Gay people shouldn't have named their parade after one of the seven deadly sins. (3:11)

THERE'S NO QUESTION ABOUT THAT.

LIKE, THERE'S A GODTHAT MADE ALL OF US AND SAID,

"OH, I'M GONNA MAKE PEOPLE GAY."

"OH, NO, THAT'S A CHOICE."ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

YOU DON'T LEARN -- YOU DON'T --THAT'S NOT A CHOICE.

THAT IS NOT A CHOICE.

GAY GUYS ARE BORN GAY --END OF STORY.

GIRLS COULD BECOME GAY.THEY COULD BE.

"I'M PISSED OFF AT GUYS,AND I'M GONNA GO BE A LESBIAN."

GUYS DON'T EVEN HAVETHAT THOUGHT PROCESS,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

"I'LL SHOW YOU.

I'M GONNA GO BANG YOUR COUSINJOHN, TEACH YOU A LESSON."

WE DON'T THINK LIKE THAT.

BUT GAY GUYS ARE BORN GAY.

THERE'S NO QUESTION.I KNOW FOR A FACT.

I WAS IN AN INCUBATORNEXT TO A GAY BABY.

I'M TELLING YOU.

I WAS JUST LAYING THERE,INCUBATING. I LOOKED OVER.

HE WAS POLISHINGAND WAVING AT ME AT WHATNOT.

SO IF GOD DOESN'T MAKE MISTAKES,

THEN HE DIDN'TMISTAKENLY MAKE GAY PEOPLE.

SO THEY'RE NOTGOING TO HELL FOR THAT.

BUT IN THE BIBLE --

IF YOU READ THE BIBLE,YOU HEATHEN BASTARDS --

THERE ARE SEVEN DEADLY SINS.

ONE OF THEM IS PRIDE.

GAY PEOPLE WENT AND NAMEDA [BLEEP] PARADE...

AFTER ONE OF THE SEVENDEADLY SINS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHAT THE HELLIS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

YOU GOT AWAY WITH BEING GAYALL YOUR LIVES.

NOW YOU'RE GONNA GO TO HELLFOR A GODDAMN PARADE.

IT'S SO RIDICULOUS, MAN.

I DON'T LIKE -- YOU EVER HAVEA STRAIGHT FRIEND TELL YOU,

"DOES THIS SHIRT LOOK GAY?"

"WELL, YOU'RE NOT GAY, SO,NO, THE SHIRT DON'T LOOK GAY."

I HAD A FRIENDCALL ME UP ONE DAY AND SAY,

"MIKE, THIS ISGONNA SOUND REALLY GAY."

AND I SAID, "ARE YOU SITTINGON A GUY'S [BLEEP]"

[ LAUGHTER ]

"...AS YOU'RE TELLING ME THIS,

BECAUSE IF YOU'RE NOT, THEN IT'SPROBABLY NOT GONNA SOUND GAY."

YOU EVER SIT WITH A WOMAN,AND A GAY GUY WALKS BY,

AND HE'S ALL RIPPEDAND IN GREAT SHAPE,

AND SHE SAYS, "SHAME HE'S GAY."

YEAH, IT'S ALSO A SHAMETHAT KILLING YOU'S ILLEGAL.

MY EX DROVE ME NUTS.OH, GOD, SHE WAS AWFUL.

WE WERE WATCHINGA TELEVISION SHOW ONCE,

AND IT WAS ABOUT EUTHANASIA,YOU KNOW, MERCY KILLINGS.

AND SHE SAID, "WOULD YOU DO THATFOR ME IF I WAS REALLY SICK?"

I SAID, "I'LL DO THAT FOR YOUIF YOU GET THE FLU."

[ LAUGHTER ]

"JUST LET ME KNOW."

UNBELIEVABLE.

ANOTHER TIME, WE WERE WATCHING"ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT" --

ONE OF THOSE TV SHOWSABOUT CELEBRITIES --

AND SHE SAID,"MIKE, WHAT WOULD OUR NAMES BE

IF WE WERE FAMOUSLIKE BRANGELINA?"

I SAID, "MUNT."

[ LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE ]

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