ADMINISTRATION GOT AWAY WITH
THIS CROCK.
IT WAS AMAZING.
FIRST WHAT DO WE HAVE, WE HAVE
COLIN POWELL, YOU KNOW, WAVING
AROUND THIS VIAL OF NUTMEG AT
THE UN, "IT IS A WEAPON OF MASS
DESTRUCTION".
[LAUGHTER]
AND THEN THERE WAS THE YELLOW
CAKE...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND THERE WAS THE YELLOW CAKE
URANIUM, RIGHT?
SO NOW WE HAVE NUTMEG AND
YELLOW CAKE.
SO APPARENTLY WE HAVE TO GET
INTO IRAQ 'CAUSE SADDAM IS THIS
CLOSE TO MAKING STICKY BUNS.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
BUT HERE'S THE GOOD THING ABOUT
IRAQ.
THEY NOW HAVE A DEMOCRATICALLY
INSTALLED PRIME MINISTER.
[LAUGHTER]
AND I DON'T WANT TO SAY HE'S
IN BED WITH THIS ADMINISTRATION
BUT THEY DID FIND DICK CHENEY'S
ROLEX LODGED IN HIS COLON.
I DON'T KNOW.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND YOU LOOK AT WHERE WE LIVE
AND YOU KNOW WE ARE GIVING
THEM $18 BILLION TO REBUILD
THE IRAQI INFRASTRUCTURE.
THEY'RE GONNA GET JOBS, UH,
I WAS THINKING MAYBE WE SHOULD
JUST BOMB OURSELVES SO WE CAN
UPGRADE OUR SCHOOL SYSTEM.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, IF BUSH
WOULD HAVE FOUND OIL IN TEXAS
HE WOULD HAVE BLOWN HIMSELF UP.
"I HATE MY OWN FREEDOM.
YA KNOW THE WORLD IS A SAFER
PLACE WITHOUT ME.
HALIBURTON NEEDS MORE JOBS."
THIS IS THE THING ABOUT--
THERE'S SO MUCH ABOUT
HALIBURTON TO HATE BUT THIS IS
THE THING THAT GOT MY PANTIES
COMPLETELY IN A WAD.
HALIBURTON HAS EVERY JOB OVER
THERE RIGHT?
6 IN 10 IRAQI'S ARE UNEMPLOYED.
HALIBURTON IS OUTSOURCING
IRAQI JOBS TO LABOR EVEN
CHEAPER THAN IRAQ.
THEY'RE BRINGING IN GUYS FROM
INDIA DO THE JOB IN IRAQ.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
ARE YOU ACTUALLY GONNA TELL ME
THERE ARE STRONG IRAQI UNIONS
BILKING YOUR PROFIT MARGIN?
SHAREHOLDERS ARE BREATHING
DOWN YOUR NECK FOR PAYING
WORKERS 15 BUCKS A WEEK AND
YOU GOTTA BRING DOWN TO FIVE,
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
BUT WHAT IS BUSH SAYING,
WHY DOES HE SAY THEY'RE FIGHTIN'
THIS, WHY ARE THEY RESISTING?
"CAUSE THEY'RE JEALOUS OF OUR
FREEDOM."
[LAUGHTER]
THEY'RE JEALOUS OF OUR FREEDOM.
IT'S NOT THE FACT THAT WE
BLEW UP THEIR INFRASTRUCTURE
COMPLETELY.
YES, THEY'RE JEALOUS OF OUR
FREEDOM.
THEY HAVE RAGE BEYOND BELIEF
THAT THEY DON'T HAVE AN
APPLEBEE'S.
[APPLAUSE]
OR A CABLE SHOW WHERE FIVE
[BLEEP] INVADE A NASCAR DAD'S
HOME AND MAKE HIM LOOK TERRIFIC!
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
YEAH, THEY DESPISE OUR CULTURE.
THEY HATE OUR CULTURE.
EXCUSE ME, WHAT CULTURE IS IT
ARE WE EXPOSING TO THEM.
ARE JAZZ CLUBS POPPING UP ON
THE OUTSKIRTS OF NAJIF?
I'M PRETTY SURE LINDY ENGLAND
WASN'T DOING A REVIVAL OF
"GUYS AND DOLLS" WITH THAT GUY
ON A LEASH.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]