Lizz Winstead - The War in Iraq

  • Season 9 , Ep 2
  • 10/07/2004
  • Views: 2,844

The Bush administration's policies behind the Iraq war annoy Lizz Winstead. (3:38)

ADMINISTRATION GOT AWAY WITH

THIS CROCK.

IT WAS AMAZING.

FIRST WHAT DO WE HAVE, WE HAVE

COLIN POWELL, YOU KNOW, WAVING

AROUND THIS VIAL OF NUTMEG AT

THE UN, "IT IS A WEAPON OF MASS

DESTRUCTION".

[LAUGHTER]

AND THEN THERE WAS THE YELLOW

CAKE...

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND THERE WAS THE YELLOW CAKE

URANIUM, RIGHT?

SO NOW WE HAVE NUTMEG AND

YELLOW CAKE.

SO APPARENTLY WE HAVE TO GET

INTO IRAQ 'CAUSE SADDAM IS THIS

CLOSE TO MAKING STICKY BUNS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BUT HERE'S THE GOOD THING ABOUT

IRAQ.

THEY NOW HAVE A DEMOCRATICALLY

INSTALLED PRIME MINISTER.

[LAUGHTER]

AND I DON'T WANT TO SAY HE'S

IN BED WITH THIS ADMINISTRATION

BUT THEY DID FIND DICK CHENEY'S

ROLEX LODGED IN HIS COLON.

I DON'T KNOW.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND YOU LOOK AT WHERE WE LIVE

AND YOU KNOW WE ARE GIVING

THEM $18 BILLION TO REBUILD

THE IRAQI INFRASTRUCTURE.

THEY'RE GONNA GET JOBS, UH,

I WAS THINKING MAYBE WE SHOULD

JUST BOMB OURSELVES SO WE CAN

UPGRADE OUR SCHOOL SYSTEM.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, IF BUSH

WOULD HAVE FOUND OIL IN TEXAS

HE WOULD HAVE BLOWN HIMSELF UP.

"I HATE MY OWN FREEDOM.

YA KNOW THE WORLD IS A SAFER

PLACE WITHOUT ME.

HALIBURTON NEEDS MORE JOBS."

THIS IS THE THING ABOUT--

THERE'S SO MUCH ABOUT

HALIBURTON TO HATE BUT THIS IS

THE THING THAT GOT MY PANTIES

COMPLETELY IN A WAD.

HALIBURTON HAS EVERY JOB OVER

THERE RIGHT?

6 IN 10 IRAQI'S ARE UNEMPLOYED.

HALIBURTON IS OUTSOURCING

IRAQI JOBS TO LABOR EVEN

CHEAPER THAN IRAQ.

THEY'RE BRINGING IN GUYS FROM

INDIA DO THE JOB IN IRAQ.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

ARE YOU ACTUALLY GONNA TELL ME

THERE ARE STRONG IRAQI UNIONS

BILKING YOUR PROFIT MARGIN?

SHAREHOLDERS ARE BREATHING

DOWN YOUR NECK FOR PAYING

WORKERS 15 BUCKS A WEEK AND

YOU GOTTA BRING DOWN TO FIVE,

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

BUT WHAT IS BUSH SAYING,

WHY DOES HE SAY THEY'RE FIGHTIN'

THIS, WHY ARE THEY RESISTING?

"CAUSE THEY'RE JEALOUS OF OUR

FREEDOM."

[LAUGHTER]

THEY'RE JEALOUS OF OUR FREEDOM.

IT'S NOT THE FACT THAT WE

BLEW UP THEIR INFRASTRUCTURE

COMPLETELY.

YES, THEY'RE JEALOUS OF OUR

FREEDOM.

THEY HAVE RAGE BEYOND BELIEF

THAT THEY DON'T HAVE AN

APPLEBEE'S.

[APPLAUSE]

OR A CABLE SHOW WHERE FIVE

[BLEEP] INVADE A NASCAR DAD'S

HOME AND MAKE HIM LOOK TERRIFIC!

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH, THEY DESPISE OUR CULTURE.

THEY HATE OUR CULTURE.

EXCUSE ME, WHAT CULTURE IS IT

ARE WE EXPOSING TO THEM.

ARE JAZZ CLUBS POPPING UP ON

THE OUTSKIRTS OF NAJIF?

I'M PRETTY SURE LINDY ENGLAND

WASN'T DOING A REVIVAL OF

"GUYS AND DOLLS" WITH THAT GUY

ON A LEASH.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

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