Artie Lange - Justin Bieber Ruined Rolling Stone

Artie Lange: The Stench of Failure Season 1, Ep 1 10/18/2014 Views: 4,249

Artie Lange remembers how cool Rolling Stone used to be and describes the intensity of his hatred for Justin Bieber. (2:20)

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This is uncle Artie talkinghere, alright?

The magazine Rolling Stone

used to be the coolest[bleep] magazine ever.

It used to have Jimi Hendrixon the cover playing guitar,

Keith Richards,like, smoking a joint,

The Blues Brothersin blue faces.

It was fantastic.

In the last four years,

Justin Bieber's been on thecover [bleep] twice, all right?

On the cover of Rolling Stone, all right?

all: Boo!

- But the first time he was on,he was 18 years old.

And this wasthe worst time ever.

Here's what it said.

It had a pictureof Justin Bieber's face,

and here's what it saidon the cover of Rolling Stone

underneath his annoying[bleep] face.

It said, "Justin Bieber...

hot, ready, legal."


My God, "legal"?Who is counting--

Who's marking this offon their [bleep] calendar?

Is that the creepiest thingyou've ever heard?

"Legal"?Holy shit.

Rolling Stone!

Who's Rolling Stone's demographic these days--

Jerry Sandusky?


I hate Justin Bieber.

Here's how muchI hate Justin Bieber.

I would help Jerry Sandusky.

I would help him breakout of prison for just a day.

Call it, like, a work furloughor something.

All he'd have to agree to doon national television

would be to mouth-[bleep]Justin Bieber

for, like, two hours.

Get Jay Z or Nasto kidnap Justin Bieber.

Bring him to a basementin Brooklyn.

Duct-tape him to a chair.

And then have Sanduskycome out from behind a wall

with that creepy [bleep] voice,

just grab himby that bouffant hair,

and for just two hours,just, like, "Oh, Justin."

"You are hot.

"You're ready.

And here's the one turnoff,you're legal."

"Scream all you want.

My wife's gonna pretendnot to hear any of this."

[cheers and applause]