The Sklar Brothers - Telemarketers

  • Season 5 , Ep 3
  • 07/08/2001
  • Views: 13,232

Telemarketers in the new millennium are sneakier. (3:21)

SO WE DON'T LIVE IN NEW YORK

ANYMORE.

WE MOVED INTO OUR NEW APARTMENT.

THE VERY FIRST DAY.

FIRST TIME.

WE WERE JUST PLUGGING STUFF IN,

WE WERE PLUGGING OUR NEW PHONE

IN THE WALL FOR THE FIRST TIME.

JASON>> TRUE STORY.

RANDY>> NOT FIVE MINUTES AFTER

WE PLUGGED IT IN.

JASON>> DUDE, I THINK IT WAS

EVEN LIKE FOUR MINUTES.

RANDY>> FOUR MINUTES AFTER

WE PLUGGED IT IN, WE GOT A CALL

FROM A TELEMARKETER.

JASON>> HOW THE HELL DID THEY

GET OUR NUMBER IN FOUR MINUTES?

RANDY>> WHAT HAPPENED TO THE

GOOD OLD DAYS OF TELEMARKETING?

JASON>> THAT'S ALL WE'RE ASKING,

GOOD PEOPLE.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OLDEN DAYS

OF TELEMARKETING?

WHEN IT WAS SIMPLER?

RANDY>> THE MID 90s.

JASON>> WHEN YOU KNEW IT WAS

A TELEMARKETER FROM THE SECOND

YOU PICKED UP THE PHONE?

RANDY>> MID 90s.

YOU KNEW IT WAS A TELEMARKETER

BECAUSE THERE WAS ALWAYS LIKE

THAT EIGHT-SECOND DELAY.

IT'D BE LIKE, BRRRING!

HELLO?

HELLO?

HELLO?

JASON>> HELLO, THIS IS HECTOR

FROM TELSTAR LONG DISTANCE.

MR. SKYLERSTE SIR.

RANDY>> ACTUALLY,

IT'S PRONOUNCED SKLAR.

JASON>> MR. SKAKLAR, HOW WOULD

YOU LIKE TO BUY...

RANDY>> OKAY, YOU KNOW, I'M

ACTUALLY ON THE OTHER LINE LONG

DISTANCE...

JASON>> WELL, THAT'S GREAT,

'CAUSE TELSTAR'S NEW LONG

DISTANCE PROGRAM...

RANDY>> YOU KNOW, I'M ALSO ON A

BUSINESS MEETING.

JASON>> FANTASTIC.

TELSTAR'S NEW BUSINESS TO

BUSINESS PROGRAM...

RANDY>> HEY, HEY.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST (BLEEP) OFF

AND DIE?

JASON>> I CAN DO THAT.

'CAUSE TELSTAR'S NEW (BLEEP) OFF

AND DIE PROGRAM IS PERFECT FOR

ELDERLY FAMILY MEMBERS LIVING

OVER SEAS.

ALL RIGHT.

SO...

IN THE NEW MILLENNIUM THE

TELEMARKETERS HAVE GOTTEN

SNEAKIER.

RANDY>> THEY'RE TRICKIER.

JASON>> THANKS FOR BACKING ME

UP.

RANDY>> YOU'RE WELCOME.

JASON>> ALL RIGHT.

AND THEY'RE TRICKY THESE DAYS.

TELEMARKETERS NOWADAYS WILL TRY

AND TRICK YOU AND KEEP YOU ON

THE PHONE LONGER AND THEY THINK

THAT'S HOW YOU'LL BUY THEIR

STUFF.

RANDY>> TODAY YOU GET A PHONE

CALL LIKE THIS.

BBBRRRINNG.

HELLO?

JASON>> DUDE, WHAT'S UP?

DUDE YOU WERE SO DRUNK LAST

NIGHT.

WHAT HAPPENED, DOG?

RANDY>> I DON'T KNOW.

I SHOULD HAVE NEVER SWITCHED

FROM BEER TO TEQUILA.

WHO IS THIS?

JASON>> YA, DUDE.

THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT,

MAN.

LIFE'S ABOUT SWITCHING, DUDE,

SERIOUSLY.

RANDY>> WAIT A MINUTE.

JASON>> YEAH, I MEAN ONE MINUTE,

YOU SWITCH FROM BEER TO TEQUILA

AND THE NEXT MINUTE YOU SWITCH

FROM AMERICAN WIRELESS TO

TELSTAR.

RANDY>> WHOA, WHOA.

WHO IS THIS?

JASON>> DUDE.

IT'S HECTOR FROM TELSTAR LONG

DISTANCE, BITCH.

RANDY>> WHOA!

JASON>> WHO LET THE DOGS IN,

BITCH?

RANDY>> WHOA.

COME ON, STOP IT.

STOP IT!

THIS CAN'T BE A COURTESY CALL.

STOP IT.

YOU HANG UP THE PHONE, RIGHT?

THEN AND AN HOUR AND A HALF

LATER YOU GET A PHONE CALL

AND THE VOICE ON THE OTHER LINE

IS THE MOST SENSUAL, MOST

SEXUAL, FEMALE VOICE YOU'VE EVER

HEARD.

IT'S LIKE, BBBRRRIIING.

HELLO?

JASON>> HI, WHAT ARE YOU WEARING

RIGHT NOW?

RANDY>> A T-SHIRT AND JEANS.

JASON>> OKAY, I WANT YOU TO TAKE

THEM OFF AND START RUBBING

YOURSELF ALL OVER.

RANDY>> OKAY.

JASON>> DOES THAT MAKE YOU HOT?

RANDY>> YES.

I'M RUBBING MYSELF ALL OVER.

JASON>> ARE YOU HORNY?

DO YOU WANT IT?

DO YOU WANT ME?

RANDY>> OH GOD, YES, I WANT IT.

I WANT YOU.

JASON>> NOW?

NOW?

RANDY>> YES.

JASON>> NOW I WANT YOU TO START

SPANKING YOURSELF.

JUST SPANK IT, OH YEAH,

SPANK IT, OH YEAH, SPANK IT,

OH YEAH, SPANK IT.

LICK IT, LICK IT, SPANK IT,

SPANK IT.

I'M A DIRTY BOY, I'M A NAUGHTY

BOY, I'M A NASTY BOY.

NOW, I'D LIKE YOU TO CONSIDER

SWITCHING FROM AMERICAN WIRELESS

TO TELSTAR.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

RANDY>> HECTOR?

JASON>> WHAT?

RANDY>> OKAY.

JESUS CHRIST, DUDE,

THAT'S SNEAKY.

♪ (MUSIC PL

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